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I am in a really bad situation, can you give me some advise.

i know cafe mom is probably not the place to talk about abortion, however i am very pro-life and i figured that so are all of you. I am 18 years old and made the terrible decision to be in a relationship with an abusive, alcoholic, and some what recovering drug addict for a year. I broke up with him a while back, but we saw eachother about two months later one time, and i happened to get pregnant. I tried to fix things with him, but he is unwilling to change, and i do not want to bring a baby into that world. He will fight for partial custody, if i have the child. However i know he will neglect my baby. I hate abortion, and i truly know i would be a good mother, but he is an awful person who cannot be trusted. I have also looked into adoption, but he will not agree, and will then take custody. I hate abortion, and never considered it okay. Now i am unsure. Do you have any advise? Im desperate!

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Asked by ineedadvice126 at 12:02 AM on May. 24, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (16)
  • The sperm donor has no rights! My sons bio dad is a pill popper and what ever else he does now. I made the dumb decision to have unprotected sex with him and had a beautiful baby boy I would not change it for the world! There is no "father" on the birth certifcate and wont be him! You can raise your baby without him. And any judge in there right mind would not give partial coustdy to a person who is an achoclic. at least i hope not!

    Anyways do what you got to do for you and your LO its your choice not his!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • If he really is that bad, and you can prove it then you should not have a problem getting full custody. Talk to a lawyer.

    Answer by lilbit837 at 12:10 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • First of all just to let you know, the father does NOT have to agree to you putting the baby up for the mother you have the right to put the baby up for adoption yourself and do not need anyone else's permission. Also, you can keep the baby and refuse to allow him to sign the birth certificate, which in some states means he has NO parental rights to the child what so ever. Also, you need to start documenting his abusive behavior, and alcohol and drug use, so you can show them to the courts if for some reason he tries to take you there. If you have proof that he is abusive, an alcoholic, and a drug user, NO WAY will they let him have any custody of the child. I know abortion might seem like the easiest thing to do but this baby is innocent and shouldn't have to die because of this situation. Please take the time to research your options. There are pregnancy crisis hotlines you can call as well who can help.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:11 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I had a friend in a very similar situation, and she flew from Texas to Michigan to have her baby so the father wouldn't know when or where she was giving birth, He was not on the birth certificate and has no rights to the baby. I don't know if there are any laws where you are about that, but there ARE options! Like the others have said the child is innocent, and each life is a gift from God.

    Answer by coffeemom86 at 12:17 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • don't deny your baby the life he deserves. you can do it without the father

    Answer by r_elizabeth2290 at 12:18 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • There is a purpose that God gave you taht little baby!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • Well, I'll tell you that I'm in the same situation and 21 weeks pregnant. My SO was a good guy up until a couple weeks ago. He changed and now, I want NOTHING to do with him and really don't want him having anything to do with my daughter because of his threats and actions. I wouldn't give my child up for the world. Abortion crossed my mind, but thats all. I never considered it and never will. I also would never be able to give my child up for adoption. It will be hard but I'll raise my child by myself and know, YOU CAN TOO! I support adoption over abortion. I don't think that you should kill an innocent life just because of what HE did to you. If you think your child will have a better life without you, by all means, give he/she up for adoption and give them that chance to live and be happy. But I can't stress it enough, DON'T kill it because of an asshole. Give them a chance.

    Answer by Marix3 at 12:27 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • Whatever you decide, I wouldn't be anywhere near him alone again. Document his behavior, call the police if he threatens you. Your doctor can't give any info to him, so don't worry if he calls to check on your progress, they'll tell him to buzz off. As long as you have a supportive family and you want to raise the baby, then do it. It will be hard but worth it in the end. If you decide to adopt out, you could always look for an open adoption, where the adoptive family can keep you updated on the child. If you decide to abort, remember this as a lesson learned to choose carefully who you get involved with. And never look to the past for a future. Get counseling either way. You will need it to break the cycle of abuse. Good luck.

    Answer by cjbj08 at 12:28 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • Well I should have said EX instead of SO.

    Answer by Marix3 at 12:28 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • be a big girl and deal with it. im 18 also and i dont mean to sound mean or anything but if ur old enough to have sex ur old enough to deal with the issues that might come with it. moms usually win the custody battles and what not but if he does get partial rights then so be it. If this baby helps him clean up then i dont see what the prob. is. Just remember... god wouldnt and didnt give you anything you cant handle and i know it seems tough but its only going to make u that much stronger. good luck to you and hope this answere gives you some wat of a reason to keep that baby on this earth. it was ment to be here.

    Answer by momma2b060509 at 12:34 AM on May. 24, 2009

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