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First of all I have a confession-

my 3 year old dd and I don’t really enjoy playing with her. I love her very much but I guess I am just a selfish person because sitting down and playing tea party even half an hour drives me crazy. I never wanted to be a mom.I never really liked children. I love my dd and I miss her like crazy when she stays the night at grandmas.I am not sure what to do...I have no patients with her. I give in to everything she wants because I feel like I can not handle the temper tantrums.I would really like to change my behavior and change hers but I am not sure what to do or where to start to break these habits do I just have to suffer through really bad days of telling her no and listening to the tantrums or what do I do?? I feel like I am a horrible mother and I really want to be a good mom. I don't believe in spanking so I try to do time outs or take toys away but it doesn't work it I need some help and I don’t know where 2 turn.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on May. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Yep, you have to just suffer through. Its tough. But you make a choice to do things one way and just doit. Eventually your patients will grow, and the other stuff with bother you less and less. Just make the desiction that your going to change and then do it. Practice makes perfect, the more you act out those changes, the more real they will become ont he inside.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 1:43 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • Being a mother is really hard work. Don't feel too bad about being stressed out or about not knowing exactly how to manage every situation. The key is consistency. Once you start saying no to something STICK WITH IT NO MATTER WHAT. eventually she'll realize that no really does mean no. It takes some time, but you can do it. Your hard work will pay off when your daughter is a teenager and she is a decent person who loves and respects you. Then you won't have to play "tea party" you can go shopping at the mall and hang out with her on the food court. I loved shopping with my mother when I was a teen. I still do, but it's harder with kids! Just stick to your guns and remember that this is not all there is to it!

    You could also try engaging her in activities that you enjoy.With my nephew I tell him I won't play cars with him but I'll color and draw with him. I don't want to crawl around on the floor with his hotwheels!
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:56 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I know what you mean about not wanting to sit and play with her. Thats fairly common. Not all of our lives are one big commercial. (you know that commercial where the mom is playing dinosaur) I really hate doing things like that. Its not about love or anything, I just dont want to sit and watch Dora all day everyday. As for your lack of patience, all of us have days like that but the key is doing what you know will make her an unselfish, compassionate person of character, integrity and quality. If your primary goal are those things, then you need to do things that help build that in her. Such as saying no at the appropriate time and being consistent. You dont want to teach her that she can just throw a fit an get whatever she wants. I mean...its not cute when they are 25 and still throwing fits. It sounds like you just need some encouragement and belief in yourself. You can do this!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:13 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • Playing can take many forms. By that age my daughter loved to help clean (scrubbing the toilet was her favorite); just be sure that you use non-toxic (homemade is best, cheapest, and simple) cleaners. You can cook or bake together. You can go for walks, and talk about what you see. We used to go on color walks or number walks; I would mark color or write numbers on a sheet of paper and we would see how many of each items we could find on our walks (one blue ball, three green cars, two birds, whatever).
    Most libraries have free story hours. You can go to a farmers market and pick a new fruit or vegetable.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:30 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I agree w/ the previous poster. Just try and find things that you DO like to do with her. For example, I don't like to play cars or star wars with my boys but I don't mind doing a puzzle with them. We read, color, go to the park, bake cookies, go to the library, go on bike rides, go to the zoo, watch movies, etc. I also try and have them play on their own as much as possible from the time they are toddlers, so that they know its okay to play by themselves and that they don't need me to entertain them all the time. Sometimes I will just get them started on an activity (building a tower w/ blocks for example) and then let them know I have to go to XYZ and that I'll come back and see their tower when its done.

    sarahmae3

    Answer by sarahmae3 at 9:49 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I agree with PP's, and also tell you to google LOVE&LOGIC. It works.
    Rosesandlilys

    Answer by Rosesandlilys at 10:51 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I applaud you for your honesty.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on May. 24, 2009

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