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Bad influence or best friend?

My boys (ages 5 and 7) have a friend they have grown up with that lives just a few blocks away. His mom and I are friends, and they see each other alot. I tend to censor my kids a bit more than she does though, and they are getting old enough that now he is starting to come over and talk to my boys about stuff that I don't feel ready for them to be part of yet. He also spends part time with his Dad (they are divorced) and he drinks alot in front of him, so he talks alot about being drunk, and seeing fights, how cool it is to hit people stuff like that. My son was being bullied at school, and his friend told him to kick the guy in the balls to make him cry. I don't think that kind of talk is appropriate and dont appreciate him telling my kids to fight dirty. /his dad also told him wearing ahletmet makes you lok stupid, so yesterday I am fighting my kids who now think helmets are stupid. I have tried to talk to his mom cont

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on May. 24, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I do not think you are being overprotective or sheltering your kids in any way. Yes kids will be influenced at school by other kids their whole lives, but standing your ground and keeping your beliefs made known and strong at home will deter them from always going with the crowd. My mom was very strict with me and my sisters growing up, and it's true the things we didn't hear at home we heard other places and there are bad influences everywhere, but something always kept us from going off the edge like some kids do, and I really believe it's because we knew the difference between right and wrong because that's what our parents taught us. I think you should start cutting this family out of your lives for awhile until they realize that they are affecting your boys in a negative way and to maybe tone down the "trashiness" when they are around. If its making things difficult on you as a parent theres no reason to allow it.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:19 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • about it but her thing is he is going to grow up someday and she wants to be around to minitor it instead of trying to shelter him, she doesnt want him gettting culture shock (he is also 7 btw). She even lets him cuss, words like crap and damn, which my kids are not allowed to say. I on the other hand think that they have the rest of their lives to grow up and why rush it, they are only going to be kids for a short time. Am I over reacting? Should I let them cut loose abiut more on some things, or limit their time with their best friend untill I can get a point across that stuff is not appropriate around my kids? She thinks I am over reacting and they will suffer for it in the end. What do you think?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I was going to say that your kid will be influenced like that at school too...which will happen...but this family you describe sounds a little extreme, I would just cut them out.
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 11:11 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • NO. Honestly she seems immature. Just b/c everyone jumps off a bridge will she do it too. The world is what it is but we are responsible for what else we bring into it. If we don't teach are children how to behave then they will con. the cycle. Yes people cuss drink etc. but its our job to teach our kids how to be safe, good, and responsible.
    ESP THE HELMET THING -- WHAT!!!!
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 11:46 AM on May. 24, 2009

  • I'm like you. My friend is like your friend. Our girls are BFFs and we have explained to both of them that while we all love each other, parents have different parenting styles. Whether they're at my house or hers, they know they have to follow the basic rules for where they're at (which aren't many at my friend's house). However, my friend knows what my rules are and she respects that. She would never play a movie rated more than PG while my kids are there. Only kid-friendly video games. Her daughter has had the sex talk, mine has not. Her daughter knows not to bring these things up. Her daughter doesn't believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy, mine does. Her daughter wears a bikini. There's no way in hell my child would be allowed to. I think the bottom line is discussing what's going on with your friend and setting ground rules. If she can't teach her son to respect your family's values, then it may be time to move on.
    sparrowprincess

    Answer by sparrowprincess at 2:02 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • talk to the child and the mother and explain taht if this influences continue in the negative way taht they are going that they will not be welcomed in your home or near your children
    sherlockhlm

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 8:00 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • It doesn't matter what ANYONE else thinks does it really? They're YOUR children and YOUR parenting decisions.

    Since you can't control what happens outside of your house and you can only have so much influence over the other boy - time to start cutting back on the time your boys spend with him. Increase time with OTHER friends or find new friends who better fit your ideals. Don't just cut off the play time though - slowly cut it back so the boy isn't made out to be a villain (it's not his fault afterall).

    auroragold

    Answer by auroragold at 8:02 AM on May. 25, 2009

  • You are right, your "friend" is wrong. Plain and simple. I don't see anything wrong with having a drink at home even with kids present BUT if I were responsible for someone else's children, there is no way I would do that. There is no way I would let my children continue to hang out at a friends house if the parents were drinking around them. Make that double if the father is telling my child that being safe is "stupid". Your children will not suffer any harm due to your making wise decisions on their behalf. Decisions such as taking safety measures and guarding tehm against inappropriate influence. You are not being overprotective, you are taking advantage of a vastly underused resource....common sense. I would only allow supervised visits to your home by this child. Explain to the child the rules in your house. He can follow them or go home. That's what I do and I've found that kids are more than willing to follow my rules.
    TessaBianca

    Answer by TessaBianca at 11:45 AM on May. 25, 2009

  • oh & your kid is a saint, gimme a break. your kids prob. a heathen when not with mom & prob. into trouble talkingf about these things at school with his buddies but says its his friends so ya dont yell at him. cut the umbilcal cord lady- the kid is gonna hear it sooner than later.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on May. 25, 2009

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