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PORN! (NO BASHING PLEASE; just venting)

Ok so this subject comes up a lot on here & most of the answers are either "I don't like it when my SO looks at it either" or "He's a man, get over it." I'm sick of seeing "You're insecure" on here. I'm 17 & married, I have a nice body (even though I'm pregnant) I've always looked great, our sex life has always been great, so I don't understand my husband's reasons for needing porn so much. I can't understand why he has to look at it EVERY DAY. Why has he started hiding this from me lately? Of course I don't like it and feel down on myself when I see all the porn he looks at or know he has & has erased his history, as if he knows it's wrong. Or when he searches "blond" when I have dark hair. He told me once (when I told him how much I hated it) that he wasn't going to stop. He flat out said "I work too hard to be married to someone who gets mad when I want to come home and watch porn". It makes me not want to have sex w/ him!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on May. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • So dont' have sex with him...He told you what he's going to do and that's look at porn. You do either have to accept it or move on. I guess that's what you get for getting married so young
    sarapurser

    Answer by sarapurser at 9:00 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • i agree.
    i hate it when x DF looks t it. sooooooo degrading to me
    dennysgirl07

    Answer by dennysgirl07 at 9:05 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • I am totally there. I feel for you and hate it myself.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 9:06 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • Ok age doens't matter there honey, just because she got married young doesn't mean she deserves that. Besides guys of all ages look at porn. I had the same problem with my husband and I threatened to leave him over it. But now we are going to marriage couseling and he is explaining to him how it makes me feel, what it means, what it really is, and what to do about it. My husband is starting to understand and he does not want to lose his wife and kids over something so stupid. Our marriage counselor is going to also talk to him seperately about it and help him. Maybe try something like that because he won't understand with you just talking to him, I would get a male counselor to better relate. Don't listen to the last post she is obviously conceited.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • his desire to watch porn has nothing to do with you or how hot/or not you are. if he likes it or is obsessed with it, the only way he will try to stop looking at it is if he sees it is a problem (doesn't sound that way). no matter how hot you are or how beautiful your husband will always look at other women so don't take it personal. it's the make up of a man. the way i see it, we either have a man that likes porn or one that does have the time to watch it. i think all men like it (even if it's wrong) but for whatever reason (guilt, embarrassment?), they don't let it effect their everyday lives.
    nairda

    Answer by nairda at 9:15 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • I'd stop the sex with him or any sexual contact until he understands how you feel about it. Idk if you're into it, but maybe you could try watching it with him? I mean, I understand what you're going through and personally that's not an option for me, but everyone's different so yeah.
    KareemsMami

    Answer by KareemsMami at 9:18 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • Maybe he just enjoys it. Maybe what is great to you isn't so great to him. Do you do all the things with him they do on the screen?
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 9:20 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • If you stop having sex with him and he continues to watch it he will most likely start pursuing it, as in finding other women to sleep with him. It will turn out to not be as fulfilling for him anymore in time. It is a big problem in many relationships and it can be fixed. He will have to want to get help though but a way to push him there is to threaten to leave and take the kids. If that doesn't bother him than obviously he is not worth it if he thinks porn is more important than his family. If you start watching it with him he will never understand how it makes you feel and how degrading it is to you. Good luck, I'm going through the same situation, I see it is very common though which is ridiculous.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • to the first poster..how ignorant of u to give ur response...here's a 17 year old mother and wife coming to women in this site that may have ome experience and advice to give her and the best thing u could say is "that's what she gets for getting married so young"? if you don't know about the subject don't answer it...her age has nothing to do with it. to poster...if he's rold you he's not going to stop then try to reach out for help..there are groups such as sex addicts anonymous that might be help if he's willing to get it. it sounds like its effecting ur relationship. good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on May. 24, 2009

  • maybe cause porn has become an addiction. it has nothing to do with your body and how much sex you guys have. he now has a problem. i would ask him 2 seek professional advice. i don't like it personally. i also don't think all men do it and don't have to. it seems also that maybe he has developed this habit to maybe have you leave him? maybe? i hate to say that but it sure seems he has no consideration for your feelings and shows lack of respect for them either. makes me wonder just how much he truly loves you. it seems your marriage is one sided. also i don't think this is something to have to learn to accept. unless of course his feelings never change and he is stubborn and doesn't learn to have some respect for your feelings. i wouldn't feel like having sex with him either. you work just as hard as him so he shouldn't use that stupid line. you'd still care about his feelings if he had an issue with you.what a jerk
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:47 PM on May. 24, 2009

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