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ANY ADVISE??

MY DH AND I MOVED CLOSER TO HIS FAMILY BACK IN NOVEMBER. I AM 29 WEEKS PREGNANT. HIS SISTER IN LAW SAYS VERY NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT US, SO I TRY NOT TO GO OVER THERE VERY OFTER. AND IN LAWS ARE NOT TOO BAD. I TOLD MY DH TONIGHT THAT I WANT US TO BE MORE PRIVATE ABOUT THINGS, I WANT US TO DECIDE HOW TO RAISE OUR DD AND WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO, NOT LET HIS STEPMOM TELL US HOW TO DO THINGS. I DON'T WANT TO SHARE MY FAMILY, I WANT US TO DO THINGS. HE CONSTANTLY IS WANTING TO GO TO HIS DAD'S AND I DON'T MIND IF HE GOES, BUT SOMETIMES I WANT TO STAY HOME. WHEN I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT TONIGHT HE GOT VERY UPSET. AM I JUST BEING SELFISH???

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TashaMarie349

Asked by TashaMarie349 at 2:33 AM on May. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • No I dont think you are being selfish at all, its not like you told him that you dont want his family to be part of anything just that you would like to be your own family separate from them, which is prefectly fine, and he needs to stop being a big baby about it, you have just as much say as he does and have every right to voice your feelings, at least you came to him and tried to have an actual conversation about it. I would let him cool down and try to speak with him about it later, and find out why he got so butt hurt about it all.
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:52 AM on May. 25, 2009

  • Ive had that conversation before. A long time ago of course. We've been married 14 yrs but back in the day, I had issues with my sil. She wasnt mean to me or anything, but her and my bil constantly give their opinion where its not wanted or needed. I told my husband that I would rather no know what we are doing that way I dont have to get opinions. So we keep our financial issues quiet as well as any other private information. Now that its been this long, we arent so secretive, but now as I have matured, I don't even care as much what anyone thinks. I still think its a good idea to get into the habit of keeping your personal information, well...personal, but as you get older you will care so little about what they think. Im sorry that he got upset about your conversation. WHy not compromise with him about when he goes and when he stays. Moderation, I guess. Good luck.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:36 AM on May. 25, 2009

  • You've already stopped going to one of his siblings house, and now you're saying you don't want to share your family... how is he supposed to take that?
    Why did you move closer to his family if you don't want to be a part of their lives?
    People like his sister just need someone to be firm in not letting them tell them what to do. To make it clear and you can build a different type of relationship.
    If my brother moved where I was and his wife wouldn't come to my house and I didn't feel welcome in hers, I am pretty sure I'd be saying negative things about her too because she's keeping my brother away from me. I'm not saying that's what you're doing but that's the way it sounds in the post. If you've not lived there very long it's understandable that he wants to see his Dad often, and the only way out of that is for him to go by himself some and you do the part of the wife and go sometimes too (long as they're not mean)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:30 AM on May. 25, 2009

  • No you are not being selfish, you are pregnant. If you don't want to go anywhere I don't blame you. I can understand him getting upset because I don't like it when my hubby won't come over to my family's house either. But... you are pregnant... way different. When he gets pissy remind him of how tired you are, how cranky you are, how much your feet and back hurt, how much you feel like a whale... and the list goes on and on and on. He needs to be reminded that pregnancy is no cake walk. Here's a good one. Tell him you feel like a territorial wild animal who feels like killing anything in your territory that you don't want there. And you definitely don't feel like leaving your territory!
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 1:05 PM on May. 25, 2009

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