Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

when should you jsut give up?

i have been with my SO for over 4 years.. we have grown apart emmensly, i still care for him but dont love him any longer, we have 2 children together and he owns his own business, so i rarley get help from him, even when he is home it is i that takes care of the children. i am tired of leading the life of a single parent, while still in a relationship. i cant see myself with this man forever, we fight all the time and to me there is just nothing left, no passion, no compassion, no romance nothing.. i so want out and have for a long time but ive stayed for the kids.. but is ti good to stay when im unhappy?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on May. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • First
    Are you married to this person?

    Second
    How does he feel about you wanting to leave?

    Third
    How will this affect the kids?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • OP...

    no we are not married but have been living together for 4 years...

    he thinks im not being serious.. ive never been happy with him, but we got pregnant so close to dating< 9 months> it was a worlwind for the first year...

    i dont know how it will affect the kids, they are 3 and 10 months.. he wont be able to keep the becuase he cant care for them when he does.. so i dont know...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • if u get a good answer to this 1 let me know. im sorrta in the same situation. my husband clocks out of work and never clocks in at home!!! we have 2 kids and i feel like such a single mommy. his damn xbox is more interesting that what his kids r up 2. im ready to leave as well.
    doodlemoore812

    Answer by doodlemoore812 at 2:04 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • i jsut dont want to struggle... i mean we are struggeling now but honestly, i know this is going to amke me sound like a terrible person. im scared to be alone. thats one major reason ive stayed...

    id have to move in with my family, find some sort of job... and start a whole new life.... ive been trying to leave him for over 3 years.. and it hasnt happened yet..

    OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • No, it is NOT good to stay in a relationship where you're not happy.

    If you feel you need to try to save this, then go to a counselor. I don't see much worth saving here, though. The kids will do better if mom is happy than if mom is just phoning it in because she's unhappy.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:47 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • If I am not happy I say so. I have no problems saying it and telling whoever I'm with to fix things or let's cut loose the cords. the longer you are with someone you are unhappy with the longer you are keeping yourself from the life you were meant to live and the real person you were meant to be with. You are also cheating your SO. Afraid of being alone? What's to be afraid of? It can be a freeing experience. You get to be yourself and not some extension of some man. Perhaps you are unhappy bc you have lost sight of who you are as a person and can't give what is needed to be in a happy relationship right now. It sounds like you need some time to figure things out. I vote for hanging with the family right now and let SO spend some time alone too. Take time to think things out and either fix what's broke with him or look forward and see what you want from life and what life has to offer you. It's all good!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:53 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • being alone is something ive never done.. im only 23....

    i dont know what im supposed to be in life... all i ever wanted was a family.. and now i have it and i dont want it.. wlel i love the kids but the man jsut isnt right....and i think deep down he knows it too.. we barley seee each other.. we barley talk.. its just down to nothing now... but its still so hard to leave him///
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • I don't think staying in a relationship for the kids is a good idea. If they know you aren't happy, that will affect them. When is it time to give up? When you have given all you can. When you have tried all that you can. When you just don't have any more to give to him, especially when you get nothing in return. You are young. You have plenty of time to meet the right person for you. But for now, you should concentrate on your kids and yourself. You don't need to have a man in the picture to be a family, you have kids!
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 4:01 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • How old are you and how old are your kids? There were times when my kids were younger and my husband was building his career that I felt like you. I stuck it out since I knew the grass was not greener on the other side. I have to say I am happy I did. The kids got older and needed less and less help, he became more successful and had more time to be with me. Most people I know hit a rough spot when the kids were toddlers. If this describes you-think long and hard before you leave. Each phase has its own challenges.
    teampalmer4

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 5:54 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • i am 23 and the kids are 3 and 10 months... i know the grass isnt always greener.. but he wont talk about things.. we mostly play the blame game.. also he refuses tog et a normal job.. he loves what he does but after 4 years i think its enough.. we have 2 kids to think about
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on May. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.