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Prenup question

I just became engaged to my boyfriend and I'm very happy. One thing that is bothering me a bit. He is very well off while I'm of just regular means, work full time, have a 13 year old and own a condo. We are planning on buying a house immediately before getting married. He was screwed by his ex in the divorce and is paying alimony, so I know he wants to protect his assets. He has not mentioned a prenup, but wants to buy the house from his grown kid's trust fund so that they would own the house and not us. I am feeling like we will be married in name only but seems like he is keeping our finances completely separate. I am very much in love with this man and feel like he is my soulmate. We are both over 50 and I don't want to be with anyone else ever. But it feels like he is proposing and protecting himself from me. Does this sound strange? I don't know how to talk to him about it. Any suggestions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on May. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Ask him why he would want to put the house that the two of you will own in his children's names. I don't think that that is right. I do know that when my SO and I get married there will be a prenup and that is to protect his families assets. I completely get that. Because what he and his family have worked for is not mine to have, but it will belong to our dd. Just have an open discussion with him and understand that he comes with baggage especially in the emotional are when it comes to finances.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 2:21 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • I dont like the idea of putting in someother then your guys name, you also have to protect yourself. I think it should be in both your names thats what getting amrried is all about. I get being screwed over by someone else but you are not her. Sorry you are in a tough situation.
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 2:31 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • Anything he buys before marriage is his (even without his kid's money) anyway even if you do get a divorce, heaven forbid. Remember that if he dies it goes to his kids though and not you unless he wills it to you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:46 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • It doesn't sound to me like he's really ready to get married. To me, marriage means that you are commiting to each other and sharing your lives and everything that comes with it. To my way of thinking, it's probably a mistake to get married when divorce is already on the table. If it wasn't there would be no talk of a prenup.
    Before you get married I suggest talking about what marriage means to both of you, what you hope to get out of a marriage, and even how you plan deal with disagreements in marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a 100% life time commitment to each other, and it would make it easier knowing what your getting into.
    You can still love each other and be together without getting married. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • I would definately question the house situation - as that does not sound right. Either the house should be in 1 name (if it belongs to him/her before marriage) or both (if after marriage)-- not in his kids name. For finances - I think for finances if you both agree to keep it separate and decide who pays what bills - or split all bills 50/50 it works out great. my hubs and I have separate finances and we each have specific bills we pay. Our house, and 2 vehicles are in BOTH our names. I would definately sit him down and talk this matter out, let him know your concerns and see if you can come to some type of understanding. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:26 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • My answer probably won't be the most popular but I think marriage should be looked at from a balanced point of view. There is the "feelings" aspect and there is the "business" aspect. If he marries you and does NOT do a prenup, then he is also endangering his children's future. He owes it to them to protect that. I would say that if you love him and feel he loves you as much, then go ahead with the prenup if it comes up. make sure that it protects you too. Then while you are in the marriage, make sure you set money aside for YOUR rainy day and to protect YOUR child.
    40isfun

    Answer by 40isfun at 7:34 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • Oh, and don't sell your condo. Rent it out so that you will have a piece of property in your name and something that is building equity for you.
    40isfun

    Answer by 40isfun at 7:34 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • Thanks everyone for your helpful answers. This was all so heavy on my mind that we had a nice long talk today. turns out that I misunderstood the intent with the house. The house would be his and mine - but in the long run it would go to his kids which I agree with. I have my condo and my ex has a house too - and these two homes would go to our daughter when we die. But we will share our finances and do things together. I had feared that he wanted to keep things all separate to protect himself. I told him that I never intend to divorce him but that I'd sign a prenup without hesitation. I feel so much better because we'd never had the money discussion and it is one of those unpleasant conversations that must happen before you get married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on May. 26, 2009

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