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What do I do about my daughter not wanting to call her dad?

My ex took me to court in Feb. for custody of my daughter. I was granted custody thankfully. We live in different states so the court ordered myself to make my daughter available for phone calls. I have no problem with this however, when ever he calls or when ever I ask her to call her dad she makes up excuses. Any ideas? I try to stress to her the importance of talking to her father but it doesn't seem to make a difference. The other day the police showed up at my door stating that her father was concerned because he hadn't heard from her. Her father and I do not speak so I can't call him to make him understand that it's not me that is keeping her from keeping in touch with him. What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on May. 25, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • Though it may be difficult for you, you need to make sure that he knows you are trying to get her to communicate with him but that she is refusing. If you don't want to call him, write him. I don't see how you can force her to call him. I've been on the receiving end of calls my teen was forced to make to me...trust me, I'd rather him not have called at all.
    MamaJen74

    Answer by MamaJen74 at 3:21 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • My parents are divorced, and it is none of my business since I don't know the situation of your divorce, but my father would beat my mother and he hit my sister and myself a few times and he favored my three stepbrothers over his own children.. we are now all older and I speak to my father on occasion but my mother would not force us to go for visitation but we did have to call and tell him our selves.. it may just be a phase she is going through but talk to her and call him and tell him that you cannot force your child to do something she doesn't want to do and vice versa
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • I would pick up the phone when he calls and let him hear her say she doesn't want to talk to him then just say "sorry she'll call back later if she wasnt to talk". I would take the courts order to mean that you cannot keep her from talking to him, you have to give her the message that he called etc...You cannot make a child talk to someone they don't want to talk to, even if you dial the number and hand her the phone, you cannot make her talk so you may have to tell dad that.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 3:32 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • Honestly, I think the first step is you talking to your ex again. SHe probably picks up on your hostility and the fact that you never talk to her father, so why should she? Alot of kids get ill feelings about the other parent when they see that the parent they live with has nothing to do with the other. ALso, with the distance, the phone calls may make her uncomfortable, and she may have troubles thinking of things to talk about, especially when she doesn't have a close relationship with him (hard to have when he lives so far away). Can you really force your child to talk to her father? Yes, but that may actually push her away more, then help.
    xraydri

    Answer by xraydri at 4:06 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • She may be more comfortable with email, text messaging or a webcam, than with a phone call. That is just how kids communicate.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:50 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • tell whoever it is you have to tell that she is not answering with her own free will. she will probably need to state in front of your lawyer that she is not wanting to talk to him.
    m4m4

    Answer by m4m4 at 6:55 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • You didn't say how old your daughter was, but I have the same problem with my 13 and 15 year old sons. They just don't want to go to their fathers, in another town. Mostly because they have their own things to do on the weekends and also because they are just bored over there. If anyone has any help, I would love it. Sorry I couldn't help, but I do feel for you.
    nenaswife

    Answer by nenaswife at 7:56 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • You need to talk to your ex about what is going on with your daughter. He needs to realize that it isn't you doing this, it is her choice. You also need to figure out why she doesn't want to have anything to do with her father. Also, it would help to know her age. I know that in Wisconsin at about 12 or 13, the judges take into consideration what the child wants when deciding on custody and visitation schedules.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:37 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • Tell her to be honest with her dad, maybe he will back off.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 9:17 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • have a talk with both your child & let her know it is a court order & she must talk to her dad. Also talk to him & let him know what's up.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 11:51 PM on May. 25, 2009

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