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For those of you who have had a miscarriage, how long did it take you to get over the loss or for you to not be bothered by the fact that it happened as much? I know everyone is different but any advice would help.

I found out on March 2nd 2009 I was pregnant, On April 15th my pregnancy was diagnosed fetal demise and I had to have a D&C due to a missed miscarriage (Development stopped sometime during the sixth week). I'm just having a hard time moving forward because my husband and I had been trying for a while and where really looking forward to our future as a family. Thanks!

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Soon2Be8489

Asked by Soon2Be8489 at 12:02 AM on May. 26, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (12)
  • Ive never had a miscarriage..but I know you never really completetly get over it. It just gets easier to deal with as time passes.
    hug4akiss

    Answer by hug4akiss at 12:07 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • My husband and I tried for 5 years. We finally got pregnant and the same thing happened, I carried for 14 weeks, but baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. We found out at 8 weeks that she had stopped growing, but her heart didn't stop until 14 weeks. That was almost 2 years ago, and I am still not over the loss. You never stop grieving your loss. It was a baby, it was your baby. You do move on, and things get easier. If you do try again and get pregnant, it gets hard again for a little while. I cried and was so scared when I found out I was pregnant again. I did not want to go through that again. But then you see your healthy baby on that ultrasound screen and you are filled with such joy that it gets easy again for a moment. You'll go through different stages of grief. I am sorry for your loss, and if you need to talk, I am willing to listen as someone who has been there. :)
    mommyreesa

    Answer by mommyreesa at 12:17 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • MommyReesa Thanks so much... That's one of my biggest fears at the moment, I want to try again but I'm affraid of what may happen so I'm going to wait it out for a while and give my body time to heal. Even though there very common, I still feel like "only me" if that makes any sense. Hearing that everything went well for you in the future gives me a new sense of hope.

    Soon2Be8489

    Answer by Soon2Be8489 at 12:22 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • I first want to say that I am very sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage about 3 years ago and I still think about it. Since then I've had a beautiful little boy but I always wonder what my baby would have looked like or been like. It's something you never fully get over, but it does get easier to cope with in time. I remember begging God to please not take my unborn child, but since then I now understand that God ultimately decides and knows best. Maybe your blessing is coming too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Anonymous
    Thank you. I wonder the same things, was it a boy or a girl, what would he or she look like. At first I was angry about the fact my baby was taken away from be but then I kind of realised it more then likelly happened for a reason that my child wouldn't have been healthy or something along the same lines. My first ultrasound didn't go so good so I went for blood work to check my hcg's which should the pregnancy was still viable so I was given a new sense of hope until my ultrasound 2 weeks later which proved my worst fear.
    Soon2Be8489

    Answer by Soon2Be8489 at 12:32 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • That is SOOO crazy! I found out I was pregnant on March 5th of 2008 I was pregnant, got married on March 7th. Was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage on April 9th and had a D & C on April 15th, which is my birthday! I found out I was pregnant again July 19th. I was scared for 9 months straight. I just KNEW something was going to go wrong...It was going to happen again! I couldn't bare the thought of it. My DH and I wanted a baby sooo bad. I thought I was going to havve another miscarriage, then I thought about still birth. Every time she wouldn't move for more than an hour I knew something was wrong. This went on for 9 months. I'm happy to say I now have a beautiful healthy 7 week old daughter =) I still think all the time-What if? what if the other baby would've lived? would it have been a boy or girl? I have the happiest thing in my life(my DD) but I still wonder, and always will...What if?
    MadisonsMom0408

    Answer by MadisonsMom0408 at 12:38 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Dear MadisonsMom0408
    WOW That is crazy that you had a D&C the same day as me just last year though. I'm so affraid of being paranoid through my next pregnancy, I agree with the whole what if? I'm glad to hear all went well the second time around and I am hoping the same thing happens for me but I'm going to give it a couple of years, then go from there.
    Soon2Be8489

    Answer by Soon2Be8489 at 12:44 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • I think part of us trying again immediately after(as soon as the dr gave us the go-ahead, we started trying again) was because I thought it would make dealing with the loss easier. I was one of the lucky ones who got pregnant almost right away, but some people aren't as lucky. If we had waited, like you plan to, or if I didn't get pregnant again, I think it would've been so much harder on me. I can completely understand your wanting to wait and I wish you the very best of luck when you do conceive again =) Also the chances of it happening twice is VERY unlikely, so I wouldn't be worried if I were you!!
    MadisonsMom0408

    Answer by MadisonsMom0408 at 12:54 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Thanks I'm glad to hear that. Have a follow up in two days and I'm hoping he has some answers as to why it happened and that it was just something common and nothing serious. Thanks for the wishes in the future, now that this has happened I also have the time to become more prepared even though my angel baby was a planned pregnancy and a long process at that! My only guess is that God has bigger plans for me at this time in my life or has something else for me to be focused on which would make sense because no more then two weeks after my mom became sick so now I can focus on her.
    Soon2Be8489

    Answer by Soon2Be8489 at 1:00 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • You are very right. He will let you know when the time is right! I hope your doctor appt goes well. And my best wishes to your mom =) GL with everything!!
    MadisonsMom0408

    Answer by MadisonsMom0408 at 1:02 AM on May. 26, 2009

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