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Serious question

When I was 22 I got pregnant by a man I did not love. He left me and with all the stress, I miscarried. My mother helped me through it (reluctantly). Now I am with a wonderful man for 4 years (I am now 34) and we are expecting. Since we are not married and parents are Catholic, I expect some upset words (even though my sister had a baby 5 months ago I sam treated differently. I am afraid they will tell him that I was pregnant before. I never mentioned it to him. All he knows is that I had a bad relationship then. I didn't tell him everything nor should I have to. I told my sister and of course she brought that up to me on the phone. I am terrified to tell them. I am prepared to hear "you did it again!!" or "Did you get pregnant because your sister did?". The answer is no it was an accident but we very much want this baby. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on May. 26, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • Well this is only my opinion, I would tell him for alot of reasons,(1) so if someone else tells him he can be like I already know and (2) they ask you questions like that at ur doc appointments and if he goes with you it would be really weird... Also if you all want a trusting relationship you both need to be honest. And as far as ur family, they say any of that then just ignore them. you know why you are having that baby and thats all that matters, not what others say or think... gOOD LUCK HON
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • There is nothing wrong with him knowing that you were pregnant before. People have children with other people that they are no longer with all the time it does not change how the two of you feel about eachother and your little one on the way. And dont worry about people thinking that you only got pregnant because your sister did. Who cares what they think! Just be happy with the man your with and your child. Mu grandma calls me a slut every time i talk to her on the phone because i got married and pregnant before my sister and im younger. But i dont care. Im happy with my husband and i cant wait for my little one to be here with us. Dont stress yourself out by what people might say. If you are worried about them saying something to him about you being pregnant before then you tell him. I dont think he will flip out and want nothing to do with you because of it. Im sure he knows that you have had sex with people before him.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 10:59 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Hope what i said makes you feel a little bit better about everything good luck and hope you have a healthy baby! =)
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 11:00 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Its never easy having to tell your mom your pregnant when your afraid of disappointing them! But do you really want to carry that burden!? You're stressing, and fearful of rejection. Since you already miscarried due to stress you need to relieve it asap! If you can' tell her on the phone or in person, write her a letter, explain your fears and realization of possible disappointment! But sweetie you are a grown woman, you're not 14-18 and alone in this world(I'm not saying all teen pregnancies are due to loneliness!), and when you lose a baby it does make you want to have another even more(I mean once you start seeing the baby as being a part of you)!!!! No its not going to be easy but that happened almost 12 years ago and I would think your moms perception of life might have changed. Now as far as your pregnancies being so close: shit happens! We can't control life, and if she beat you to the punch, so be it! Me n my sis baby
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 11:06 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • were 9 days apart and we did not plan that!!! Then our last one were 3 months apart! My point is this everything and I do mean everything happens for a reason!!!! Don't take from or hinder her pregnancy and you should be fine!!!! Be honest and express yourself and your feelings and let it be!!!! If they need time and space give it to them! Let them come to you when they are ready! And truth be told ANY loving mother will accept her offspring no matter what!!!! I wish you the best and promise it will go smoother than expected or it will blow over in time!!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 11:12 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • tell him yourself and explain your situation that you had with the other man. if he is so wonderful, he will understand and he'll be on your side, no matter what your parents or family thinks or says. as long as you make it clear to him and you both want and love the child, your parents will either exept it, or not. but sometimes, your parents/family doesn't look for your best interest and you have to take it for yourself.
    sherlockhlm

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 11:17 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • I would tell him too. There are alot of emotions that will come up with you already having a loss and being pregnant again. And like Anon above said, the Dr will need to know too, and that could be akward, also he will be able to be on your side a bit when your family starts all this crap you think they will. Other than that, just tell them, and at the same time tell them you already know the consequences, and are fully prepared for them, you are happy and if they cant say anything nice dont say anything at all. If theystart up, get off the phone or leave the room whatever the case may be. They will eventually get the hint. Dont worry abnout being rude, because if they were the picture of politeness then you wouldnt have to go to that extreeme anyway. Good luck!
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 11:23 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • First off congrats on your pregnancy! I can relate in a different kind of way. My husband and I both lost our jobs last year...in November when we were both still unemployed I found out I was pregnant (we already have 3 kids). both our parents were helping us out with rent, groceries and we were both scared like 17 year olds to tell our parents! Well we decided that as bad as the timing was for both of us that we were adults and that this baby coming was a blessing (we tried getting pregnant when both our careers were good but I couldn't get pregnant, so we stopped trying). You just need to face it, you're an adult and a child is a blessing..when you miscarried the first time..maybe it wasn't mean to be (I went through that as well). People will talk no matter what, but the ones that truly care for you will support you 100% through your pregnancy. Take care of yourself.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:57 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I would tell your S.O. My husband and I told each other everything. It's good to get everything out and open, so, you don't feel like you're hiding something. Good luck and Congrats!
    GreekMama28

    Answer by GreekMama28 at 1:03 PM on May. 26, 2009

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