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what would you do with a 13 year old who never listens and is very disrespectful?

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Asked by shari413 at 10:53 AM on May. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (21)
  • bring out the belt, but then again the child was probally a "time out kid" & now you realize that time out don't work....

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • You raised them to be this way. Congratulate yourself that they are now older and wiser then you. It is time for them to start making decisions, let them within reason. Let go of the things you do to control them and give them a little freedom, but not much. Trick is, let them think it is thier idea. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • With my step son he is 12, I didn't raise him really, I've been his custodial stepmom for about 3 years now he was already this way disrespectful and didn't listen. I've stopped doing anything "extra" for him. I do not wash his laundry taught him how and he does it himself. Sometimes he has to go and pull weeds. I let him know that things would be alot easier and better for him if he didn't act this way. When he wants his friends to stay when he wants something the answer is no unless he has been acting right. I know i'm not his "mother" but I'm still the one who is there for the school stuff i'm the one who makes sure he eats, and all. So I think I do deserve some respect from him . Sorry I went on op lol but you just got to put your foot down and lay down the law.

    Answer by Rebeccaroe at 11:01 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • To the posters: don't blame nonspanking or a parent raising their children to be disrespectful, it is developmentally appropriate for a 13 yr old to be like the OP described.

    To the OP: my son will be 13 in July and he is the same way and I didn't raise him to be disrespectful. It is part of growing up, becoming an adult. You just have to ignore him when he is disrespectful. Tell him that when he wants something or needs you he must be respectful or you will not repsond. Start taking his favorite items away. What works the best with my son is to have him write dictionary pages, all I have to do is get out the dictionary and his attitude changes. He is also old enough for you to talk to him about what is expected and that it is ok to be moody, angry, upset, confused, etc but he needs to be respectful about it. He needs to know that it is ok to not agree with our parents as long as he does it respectfully.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:22 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Is this a new behavior or has this been building for a while? I have a 13 year old who is mostly good, but has her obnoxious days or weeks. When the bratty-kid comes out, we go back to basics, and take away priveledges: no computer time, cancelling text messaging on her cell phone, no social activities, no babysitting (the child lover earning money more than life), no TV, etc. Eventually the brat gets worn down and the good child returns.

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:14 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • And to the anonomous posters: why is beating bad behavior out of your child ok? Sending children the message that causing pain is an acceptable way to solve a problem does not make any sense to me at all.

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:15 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • He is certainly not too old to spank, but I would have him drip his pants and lie down across his bed. I would wear his butt out. Disrespect should never be tolerated in a home by a parent. You can also take away all the stuff that he has that you have bought for him. Tell him when he learns to respect his parents, you will consider giving him back what you have worked so hard to give him. Some parents have even gone so far as to remove the bed and let children sleep on the floor. You have to teach him that he is under your authority as well as under your provision. It will be harder to teach him that at 13 than it would have been at 2, but it can still be done. You will just have to dig in your heals and remember what the goals are. Best wishes to you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:54 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Go to the mall and just watch other teens with their parents to realize your 13 yo is by far NOT the only mouthy disrespectful teen if he/she were there would not be such a huge section on it in the book store and so many questions about it on here!
    Teens are again trying to establish themselves as separate from their parents, remember the "no and me do it" stage of 2-3 this is a repeat of that with bigger vocabulary, raging hormones and peer influence mixed in!
    I take privileges and/or electronics and my 16 yo needs to earn them back by behaving, not mouthing off and being respectful.
    My new daily mantra is "There are plenty of adult men to prove that mothers and their teens can both make it through this stage alive!"

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 4:52 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Why has this been tolerated? Cut back everything. Computer, phone with friends, anything he likes should be earned. Is there a dad around. A family meeting should be held and the new rules put in place. This also includes other people in the house speaking respectfully to each other. I have been in families where there are lots of disrespectful comments being made by everyone. grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 4:54 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • last thought was to reward and praise good behavior. That is the balance. All kids need responsibilities around the house. It should be a family working together not the teenager making life miserable for everyone. grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 4:57 PM on May. 26, 2009

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