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"Gramma treats me like crap, but you can still go visit at her house"...?

This is similar to a question I asked yesterday, but based on some of the answers, I have to ask AGAIN (but in a different way):

If your mil/so's mother treated you like a dog, and says you're not welcome at her house, would you go out of your way to send your child over to her house? Or would you require that she come to YOUR house, until she can be more respectful of you?

IF you did send your child over, how would you explain to your child that "Gramma" treats you like crap, but it's still ok for the child to go over?

I know I'm beating a dead horse, but some of those answers really got me thinking...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on May. 26, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Twilite2000 - Children learn by example. Having your daughter learn that not everyone will like her is fine, but we are talking about the child's grandmother belittling and demeaning the child's mother. I don't care how open your relationship is with your child, there is NO CONVERSATION that is going to erase the fact that the child is watching emotional abuse in action, and no one is stepping in to stop it. Belittling someone, even if it's an adult, is emotional abuse. This is NOT teaching your child that people have differences of opinion, this is a question of whether or not you allow your child to be around someone who openly insults and degrades you. In my world, I wouldn't want my children to be exposed to that.
    Jodie118

    Answer by Jodie118 at 1:22 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • No way would I send my child. She is teaching that it's okay to treat people badly, and that is NOT a lesson you want your child to learn. If she can't be polite to you, I say NO contact. Teaching children to practice emotional abuse is WRONG.
    Jodie118

    Answer by Jodie118 at 11:19 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • I can't see sending my kids to ANYONES house that disrespects me/talks crap about me - this includes GP's as well. This is why MIL DOES NOT see our kids. Since day one she has not respected me as a wife/mother - but only saw me as a "threat" to what she wanted (total control over my DH/marriage & kids) Sorry to say that if you can't respect me why on Earth would I give you alone time / unlimited access to MY KIDS with out me being present?


    I hate the "well they are HER grandkids and she DESERVES to see them" line, thats a crock. If this is how Grandparents (MIL) are going to act (in regards to the DIL) the g-kids are better off WITH OUT THEM in their lives.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Again.. I'd send my child as long as she's never been mean to my child WITH my husband, not by herself until she's old enough to speak her mind clearly and mine will straight up say "don't talk to my mama that way".
    Her coming to your house isn't the soluttion really because the animosity is going to be there anyway. When you keep your child from her, you're punishing the child too if they love "gramma".
    I'm sure my kids have picked up that I don't particularly care for their grandma but I've taught them that just because your friend, or just because someone else, including me doesn't like something or someone does not mean they can't like them/it too.
    What you're doing is wrong and I know you don't want to hear that but unless they're mean to your child why would you want to keep them away from the children? It would be less tension with you nowhere around if the two of you can't behave like adults.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:28 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Jodie118 but you also have teach your child to be the bigger person. My DD knows not everyone will like her and she is comfortable with that and with herself. Just because you love your husband does not mean you will like his family. I would explain to my child that we just don't get along we see things differently. I would also talk to the in-laws and set down some rules. If they want to continue to see my child they must obey them.
    twilite2000

    Answer by twilite2000 at 11:32 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • I would not let my kids go to her house. She would not be allowed over at my house. Unless she can be nice to me..That's what I would say directly to her face.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:37 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • If I'm made to feel unwelcome at ANYONES house, my kids aren't going. Even if it's family. Thank God my inlaws treat me well, I don't have to worry about that. If you mil treats you bad, tells you that you aren't welcome in her home, then she can suck it up and come to your house if she wants to see her grandchild.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 11:38 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • I would have to explain to the children that Gramma has some trouble with her feelings. I would then tell them that when Gramma learns to use her words and has good behavior, she will earn her grandchildren privledges back. Until then...Gramma is in time-out. Sounds silly but it's true! You spend time teaching your kids that we should be treating eachother with kindness so there's no logical reason to expose them to a bad influence. If you're not welcome at Grammas house, and assuming that you are not some kind of degenerate, I think you should supervise any visit in your own home if you choose to have them at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I personally had this issue, not with my mil but with my mother. We've had a rocky relationship up to recently. Because she and I were not getting along I decided that she wouldn't visit with the kids either and my husband backed me up on it. My kids asked for her all the time, they missed her. After talking to my husband I realized how selfish I was being..the problem was between my mom and I not between my mom and the kids. I realized that she had never done anything wrong to my kids and that she had always been a good grandmother...not a great mother and the issues were different. Of course I don't know what is or not being said to your child about you. But I would think that if your child is not being harmed in any way or being talked about you in negative ways..it's okay for you to separate yourself from the relationship but perhaps think about the situation between your mil and your child. good luck
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:49 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • My father's mother did not like my mother, and he never took confronted his mom about her behavior. She was allowed to be disrespectful of my mother. As a result, my siblings and I did not want anything to do with her...if she didn't like our mom, then she didn't like us either.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 3:55 PM on May. 26, 2009

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