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How to deal with a almost 11 yr old boy who is testing me...

My son is almost 11 yrs old and on a daily basis he picks fights with us. If you tell him to do something, you have to tell him over and over. We don't believe in spanking (at least I don't) and the only thing to do is ground from phone, video games, tv, playing w/friends. He is mildly ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and only takes medicine during school hours. He makes A & B's and is on the honor roll. He does not behave badly at friends houses etc, only with us. I'm so tired of yelling at him and threatening to take stuff away. Any advice wuld be appreciated.

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sbrast35

Asked by sbrast35 at 11:25 AM on May. 26, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • I wish could help, we are going through the same thing here at home with our daughter. She is not ADD, but she is definitely testing us. We have taken things away and we have grounded her, I don't know what else to do either. She does not get spanked, but I'm telling you sometimes boy!!lol I wanna give her a good spanking. Well, just wanted to say that your not alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • It may have nothing to do with the ADD but with puberty starting. He is at an age where he is testing limits. He is not a kid but not an adult either. He is old enough to talk to about what is expected and what will happen if he messes up. Ignore as much as you can or flat out tell him, if you want respect from me then you have to respect me first. Also, if he is being snotty ignore him and don't do anything for him until he changes his attitude. Works wonders for my almost 13 year old and has for years. I take things away from him, ground him from his friends and make him write dictionary pages.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:12 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Don't threaten to take things away, actually do it. My friend's daughter is AD/HD and a typical teenager, if she doesn't complete her daily chores before going to bed, she has to turn in her cell phone (gasp!) for the whole next day. Consequences don't work unless you actually use them, and when it comes down to making a kid use manners, you have to show them that you'll actually do what you threaten. Best of luck to you!
    Jodie118

    Answer by Jodie118 at 1:06 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • It just gets harder from here. You should really look into finding a therapist who will teach your son how to use ADD as an advantage. For the summer, consider implementing the Feingold diet (www.feingold.org) and fish oil supplements; when school starts in the fall, you may find that medication is no longer necessary.
    Stop yelling, they tune it out. Instead: you tell him to make his bed within the next 20 minutes, or there will be no TV for two days. Set the kitchen timer. Follow through on your promise.
    Be strong, be consistent, or you will have an out of control teen.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 1:20 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I'm having a similar problem w/ my son who is def. ADHD. He is a FANTASTIC kid when on his medication, but only takes it during school hours as well. I want to begin taking him off of it so that, but I can't seem to control him when I'm alone with him. He's a great kid who will do anything for me other than be good. It's like he acts like a 3 yr old at times and It's embarassing. He has a lot of toys and electronics, but he doesn't care if I take them off of him. The only thing I can do is send him to his room for hours at a time b/c he's afraid of being alone and then I get sad for putting him in that position-I know I shouldn't. Any suggestions?
    afoglio

    Answer by afoglio at 7:32 PM on May. 31, 2009

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