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Would you be upset?

My husband pays very little mind to or my body since I had his children. Yet he will get off looking at half naked woman on the internet. I have told him it bothers me and i don't like it. So now he hides it from me. This morning I got up to go to the bathroom and there he was on the computer looking at trash again. He said "Sorry, I am doing better" It just hurts so bad. What am I suppose to do? He won't go to counsling. Should I just grin and bear it?

 
Katie911

Asked by Katie911 at 11:48 AM on May. 26, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • In answer to the question: Would you be upset? Of course I'd be upset. But being upset about it doesn't change anything. Getting confirmtion you aren't alone only justifies your feelings. That means nothing to him. The correct question should be "What would you do about it?"
    What you need to do is work on your self esteem for yourself and screw what your husband thinks. Don't spend all your time searching for your husband's approval. If you develop your own sense of self-approval your husband will start to see that. Dress sexy for you and pretend like nothing's changed. YOU have to know you are sexually attractive before anyone else will see it. I wouldn't ever count on him to stop watching porn when he thinks you aren't looking. However, you have the ability to turn his eye long enough to know that regardless of what he's watching without you he'll always come back to you to take care of his needs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • One person's trash is another persons treasure (or pleasure).
    You've said you told him you don't like it but did you tell him why? Did you tell him that since you had your children you feel like you're not as attractive?
    Have you considered that you're putting the kids ahead of him and he's not getting the attention he used to? Maybe he doesn't come to you because he doesnt' want to take time away from them?
    Most men wouldn't go to councelling unless they felt they were addicted and it'd still be hard because let's face it.. how many men are ashamed that they like porn? If I had to look at it every day, if I was watching that and playing with myself and not having sex with my hubby I'd have to find a solution but because I like to look at it doesn't mean that I don't love my hubby or find him attractive. I personally look at it to get ideas, to see a actual demonstration of what works and how.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:29 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Anon 12:02 just because you will settle
    does not mean she should..

    Porn is nasty PERIOD...

    If I was you I would address this ASAP because if it is not talked about and settled..
    it is just the begining of your marriage falling apart..

    Porn is disrespectful and your husband is being sneaky and disrespectful..

    Tell him what you will tolerate and what you
    WILL NOT tolerate..
    good luck sweetie
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 12:19 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Anon 12:00 that is hilarious...I say try it. can't hurt!!!! LOL
    SandraRh

    Answer by SandraRh at 12:05 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • At least he is not with another person. Don't worry about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Ask him HONESTLY what it would take for him to stop. And tell him to tell you HONESTLY what the reason is that he looks at it. It might hurt, he might tell you to go to the gym or get a tummy tuck. But, at least you'll know why & if you want to you can both try to fix whatever it is that makes him look at porn. Everything can be solved with good communication. You can also try to put a block on your computer that only you can access w/ a password.

    But, YES I would be upset. VERY upset.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:01 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • put a huge dick as your wallpaper. men have dick issues and if you post a large one as your wallpaper, maybe he will get the point that it hurts
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • porn is an addiction. Apparently he is being selfish because he doesnt care how it affects you. Even though he should know that you can find what was looked up on the computer. Seek counseling ..Take care of yourself. . Not for him.. But for you . know that you are still a sexy, vibrant woman with or with out his affection.
    TXTRIPLETS

    Answer by TXTRIPLETS at 11:59 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • Not to get too personally, but maybe try spicing up the sex life? If you know what your husband finds sexy, try wearing it. I have some silky pajamas my husband likes, but he thinks flannel pajamas on a woman is sexy (he's weird i know). Or, maybe try something with food?

    Ask him to be honest and ask him what could you do that would make him be more intersted and pay less attention to the online crap. Within reason of course. Dont do something that makes you really uncomfortable. Tell him i hurts you that he looks at that stuff and that you could try to spice up the sex life a little bit.

    Im not into porn at all or strip clubs, but my husband doesnt watch that stuff unless it's been a while (im a SAHM and he works nights) or i'm on my period and he needs to "take care of it" himself.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 11:59 AM on May. 26, 2009

  • i have the same problem with my man so im trying everything to get back to the way i was when we first got together so he'll pay more attention to me. their men they r gonna look no matter if we tell them that it hurts us and all that.. just take care of urself and he'll start to notice u a lot more and hopeful not at that sh*t on the internet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on May. 26, 2009