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Worried about my SS. BM changing men ever other month, only been divorced for about 6 months. What do we do?

I'm worried about my SS. His BM was married to a very nice man who we got along with great. SS loved him and actually called him Daddy too. We don't mind because we don't live close to SS. BM and the other Daddy divorced in December and SS was heartbroken. Everytime we talked to him he would tell us how much he missed his other Daddy. They divorced because BM cheated on him. Since then, the only way we can get a hold of SS is by calling to his Grandmothers on the weekend. He's at daycare all through the week and then at Grandmother house at night. Sometimes BM picks him up, sometimes not. BM is always out with different men and SS has at least mentioned 4 different "mommy's boyfriends" since the divorce. I checked her myspace and she has pictures, kissing, holding seductively, and dressed scantly with more then four men. What are we supposed to do from so far away? How can we prove anything.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on May. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • What is it you're trying to prove? She's a divorced woman who's dating around. He at least has the stability of the same day care and the same grandmother every day. He has stability in his life.....just not his mother. You have to know what your end goal is before you start a plan.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 1:25 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • It's probably not a good idea that your SS is meeting so many men going in and out the door. This is probably only confusing him. Sounds to me like Grandma is raising him. If you guys wanted custody, nows a time to go for it.
    mrsmendoza2006

    Answer by mrsmendoza2006 at 1:26 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • EireLass: I don't think it's good for a kid to meet all of his mother's "boyfriends". This isn't teaching him anything good. The BM kinds sounds like a slut. This parent is only concerned for the well being of her SS. The SS probably took the divorce hard and his mother is obviously only concerned with what she wants. NOt cool.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Wow, its nice of you to be concerned about that because your right, she is not doing the right thing for her son. Bringing around different types of men and having your child get use to them is not cool. Unfortunetly there is nothing you can do about it, unless there is neglect or abuse coming from his mom or the men she dates. Just continue to keep an eye out for him because it looks like his mom isnt.
    tish0607

    Answer by tish0607 at 1:36 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • You need to get some kind of visitation order in place now like 2 weeks over the summer, every other weekend and half of every holiday and his b-day. If that's impossible because of the distance, get custody. Take screenshots of her MySpace page, because she will take down anything incriminating as soon as she thinks you are getting upset. Document your SS remarks about the other men because she is legally entitled to date whom she wants to, but a reasonable judge will see that she should not be involving them in her son's life at this point. You might get in touch with the "other daddy" too if he is at all involved in the child's life and get him to help. At the very least he could show the poor child he didn't just disappear off the face of the earth.
    pagan_mama

    Answer by pagan_mama at 1:41 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Also document that your SS doesn't live with his mother, since he spends nights as his grandmothers. This would be a big point in your husband's favor, since courts like a child living with a PARENT if at all possible.
    pagan_mama

    Answer by pagan_mama at 1:45 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Have you asked his mom if she would like some freedom and would allow your ss to live with you? If she won't agree to it maybe pursue this through the courts. If she is bed hopping and bringing man after man into her childs life he is at risk. A good mom does not do that. She is cheated on her last spouse shows she is very self absorbed. I hope you can find a way to prove she is unfit and help the ss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I would have your husband approach her about a visit during the summer or whatever. Document where you get a hold of SS everytime you contact him. List that he is at Grandma's all the time. If she agrees to a visit, awesome. Either way, I think you should contact an attorney about your husband getting custody rights. I believe that children shouldn't be introduced to boyfriends/girlfriends of parents unless the parents expect it to be a long term thing. They guy that you went out with on Friday night but aren't planning on calling back, shouldn't know your children. And what is your husband's relationship with the Grandmother? Is there any way he can call her and figure out exactly what is going on? Or would she be willing to help him in any way? She has to understand that this isn't exactly a healthy atmosphere for a child.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:56 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • That is very poor judgement on his mother's behalf to introduce her son to all the different men she is dating. If she wants to date, fine, but don't pawn your kid off on someone else put men before your kid. You seem more concerned then she does about her son's well being. Good for you for being concerned. Document, Document. Perhaps keep phone records of all the times you do call to grandma's and SS is there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • ANONYMOUS...........EireLass: I don't think it's good for a kid to meet all of his mother's "boyfriends". This isn't teaching him anything good. The BM kinds sounds like a slut. This parent is only concerned for the well being of her SS. The SS probably took the divorce hard and his mother is obviously only concerned with what she wants. NOt cool.


    What I'm responding to is that, according to the poster, the child hardly sees the mother. The child has the stability of the same day care and the grandmother. If the step-mom gets custody, the child will not see the mother any more frequent. I don't agree that this is good behaviour either, but the poster said she wants to get proof. Proof of what? That the child is in day care every day and with the grandmother most of the rest of the time?

    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:25 PM on May. 26, 2009

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