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Trying to find a way to coexsist with step family

I'm 24 years old. The mother of a little girl that will be 4 in July. I've been a single mother until almost a year ago. I was married in March. My daughter's biological father is not in the picture and my husband will be adopting my daughter. He also has a daughter of his own, she's 7. He gets her part time. 2 days a week and every other weekend. We have been having an issues with the whole blended family thing. He favors his real daughter. Pays more attention to her, buys her more things and leaves my daughter out. We argue about this often. I feel like he should treat both of them equally. He says he should favor his daughter because he doesn't see her as much. I don't really know what I'm asking for here. Just would like some support and insight into this situation.

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Asked by ambermt at 1:42 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • ok i'm not bashing you, but you're probably creating most of this drama. and i'm as guilty as you! you're a mother, and your dd is the center of ur world. was she not the most beautiful baby ever born? is she not the most amusing child the world has ever known? isn't it true that no one holds a candle to her in any comparison? and doesn't it enrage you to know that already, at 4 yrs old, she has been abandoned once? how could anyone who laid eyes on her not love her most? and while you may love other children in ur life, it just doesn't get any better than her, right?

    your husband feel the same way about his little princess!


    Answer by bestmommyeber at 2:55 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I doubt highly that you are creating this drama..

    Plenty of fathers out there do actually what you just described..


    So he does not have her everyday...does he want a daughter or a monster.
    The rules for both children need to be the same.
    You and him need to be on the same page or your marriage will suffer.
    Do not sit back while one child gets the golden glove and yours gets the silver.

    He needs to understand that it will not work if the children are not equal and you will (if you don't already) you will resent him for this.
    Tell him to man up and let him know that his child will love him the same, you need to stand up
    for your child and do not tolerate noone treated her different...especially under your own roof!!

    Answer by Dannee at 3:11 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I agree with Dannee...he cannot play favorites when it comes to children...later on it will be a huge problem...

    Answer by treasured_hope at 4:01 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I agree with him. I wouldn't treat someone else's child the same as I treat my own and neither should you. Especially if she doesn't live with you. He wants their time to be special.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:21 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I agree that all the children should be treated the same. But it is not about to happen. I have the same situation. How can you make your husband be fair? You can't control how he is.

    Answer by momtoeight at 8:13 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Don't listen to Chrissy 629 she sounds like she is speaking from no experience.
    Children deserve to be treated equally.
    Every childs time is special, it does not matter if they live with you or not.

    Answer by Dannee at 9:37 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • I can relate to the her not being his thing. She started calling him dad on her own. He said he wanted her to. At that point, we agreed that if we were going to allow that, then that's what he would be 100%. We are in the process of him adopting her. In this case she's not just his step-child but his daughter. I can understand his perogative. We've agreed that we will have alone time with each of our children. My issue is that he doesn't show the same affection to "my" daughter, even when we don't have his. Also, his daughter can do no wrong in his eyes. She's lied to him right in front of me. When I told him that she was lying and that I had seen what happened he told me that she doesn't lie, this caused an arguement between us. I'm not trying to cause problems but I just don't know what to do or even if I'm just overreacting.

    Answer by ambermt at 1:03 PM on May. 28, 2009

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