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Am I horrible??

I am 20 years old I've been w/ Dh for 4 years we have 2 children together but I've been raising my neice since I was 13. Dh is 6 years older then me so he got to go out and be on his own and now I'm really resenting him for it, I don't get to go out by myself or w/ dh since we dont' have sitters. A lot of times I feel like packing my stuff and leaving the kids and him. The kids would be better off w/ dh since he has income and would stay in the house since he can pay rent. Am I horrible for feeling this way? I do love my kids and DH I just want to be able to go out and not worry about them. I want to be on my own and do what I want, and not drag kids with me. What should I do? I've tried talking to dh but I usually don't fully tell him what I'm thinking b/c I don't want him mad at me over this.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Honey, you never got a chance to be a kid! Of course you're feeling this way.

    No, you're not horrible. TAKE TIME OFF. Tell him he's in charge of the kids for a few hours on his next day off...and GO SOMEWHERE.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:07 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • i have felt the same way before so no in my opinion

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • sorry but as soon as you have kids your needs do not come first. What you have to do is see that you can not go back. And you can make the best of what you have and have a great live.
    Stop dreaming of a live that choose not to have by having kids early. Move on!!! you can be happy, it is up to you. No more fantasize.

    Answer by gammie at 3:10 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Everyone feels that way... even us people that it took a long time in the marriage to start a family.
    I envy those women that are comfortable enough to send their kids to a sitter and go do something fun. With or without spouse but the Mom in me says I can't do that, that if something goes wrong blah blah blah... but it would be so nice to go shopping without the kids. My hubby has gotten a lot better about watching mine while I run to the grocery store or like dollar store and it's so nice to wander thru the store without saying "don't touch that, put that down, no you can't have blah blah blah".
    One day.. tell him "I'll be back in a few minutes, running to the store" and do it. Don't give him time to say "no, wait, we'll come with you, or no, I'm fixen to.." Just go. I felt guilty the first time I did that but now I love the days I do it (I know he doesnt' mind now and he understands that I need me time).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:15 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • He's not going to know how you're feeling till you tell him completely... that's what I did and it worked wonders.
    Talk to him, he'll understand that you need a little bit of time to yourself. Just don't take advantage of that time he gives you too often or he'll stop making himself available.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:16 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I feel that way sometimes, i'm 21yrs old with 2 children. But you just have to realize that this is your life and those children are your responsibility. You should try to get a sitter from time to time. If even for just a few hours, that really is important, for you and the children.

    Answer by princessj05 at 3:16 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I've felt that way many times and its not horrible or wrong for you to have these feelings...but you do need to talk with your husband and let him know that once or twice a week, you need some time get your thoughts together and just to have some fun without the kids tagging deserve to have some time can you function properly without first taking care of yourself in order to be able to properly take care of your family? talk with your dh and lay it all out to him and he'll probably understand...GL

    Answer by treasured_hope at 3:56 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • oh sweetheart, take a vacation! a long one! i swear i would hug you right now if i could. i know exactly how you feel.

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 4:37 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • well it's not your fault you had to raise your niece but it was your decision to have kids so early. I'm sure someone at some point advised you it was best to wait? I'm not bashing...I'm 22 with a 1 year old. I was 9 months pregnant on my 21st birthday and regretted having a kid that early right then. I'm lucky now because I have my mother who lives close by and is willing to baby sit but I see all my friends who can just jump up and go out whenever they damn well please and it does bother me. BUT my child is still more important than my need to go out as hard as that is to accept sometimes. With that said, you most definitely deserve time to yourself regardless of your age. Make your husband babysit, his kids are just as much his responsibility. No, you won't ever be able to be young and free but I think a pp said you have to make the best of the opportunities you do have.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • for the woman who said you have to put the kids first i would think it would be in their best interest for mommy to get a break before she breaks down screaming and breaking things, don't you?

    Answer by LilChynaDollie at 8:47 PM on May. 26, 2009

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