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Can someone please advise how to get past MISSING my kids? Its been 3 wks since I spoke to either (28yrs daugh) &(17yr-son) I was always the disciplinarian,so I got kicked to curb cause I was "MEAN" in their eyes. Only- they dont know how I CRY daily, missing them! If I call them, they dont have time to talk to me!

My daughter has lived w/ a bum for 5yrs in Dallas. I son recently went back to live w/his father, cause he wanted to drop out of school, only he is NOW attending school in tha district. I cannot tell anyone how much I crave their love, but I dont know what I did to make them forget me so easily. I Pray & cry,I pray they are kept safe & cry cause I miss them!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Ask them. Tell them as a mother, you need to know what you did to deserve this resentment from them. Keep trying to get in contact.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Sometimes a little distance will help them see things the way they really are. I know this would be hard tho. How to get past missing them? You won't get passed that but you will learn to deal with it. Keep yourself busy doing something and it doesn't matter if you have already done it, do it again. They do know that you cry, and they do know that you hurt. Sometimes you just have to let them see what is really going on in life instead of trying to get them to see it, does that make sense?I know how you miss them. I haven't seen my daughters face in 2 years(she is in AZ) and even tho I do talk to her, not seeing her hurts.Keep busy, and if you need an ear(or an eye in this case) you can send me a message.Keep busy, and the crying will eventually stop, I promise!
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:54 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • first of all you said it right there crave there love your pushing your kids away my mother did tha to me and i do not talk to her anymore you need to give me space give them time your daughter is a grown woman ask yourself this what if your mother did that to you what your doing to your kids are u married ?? you need to let them go break the cord hon there gorwn
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I'm younger than your daughter (22) but from the eyes of my own mother I can tell you that if even if you have a great relationship you still miss your children feircely. I myself have an 8 month old and I miss him when I put him down for a nap or bedtime LOL. Maybe instead of trying to focus on not missing them you should attempt to better your relationship with them. I'm sure its not that they have forgotten you it's that they havent had the opportunity to get to know you as a person and a friend rather than their mother. Why not send your daughter flowers or balloons with a thinking or missing of you card attatched? Or bake up a batch of amazing chocolate chip cookies and send them each a dozen with a simple note saying "i love you" if they are texters or emailers you could consider communicating with them that way. My mom texts me all the time and I love it. I personally would just try to focus on building a friendship.
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 4:55 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • YOU SAID IT RIGHT THERE CRAVE THERE LOVE HONEY YOU NEED HELP CUT THE CORD
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • You can join the ranks of all of the other Mom's out there... and Dad's too.
    I bet not one of us that has a child over 5 has never had one of our kids to tell us we're mean or they don't like us. When it first happened to me it broke my heart, I cried and I don't cry easy. And then I got mad. I used reverse psycology on her (little one's not hated me yet lol) and I refused to talk to her for a little while (a few minutes is a lifetime to a child).
    My advice is... your children are no longer children. One is plenty old enough to make her own decisions in life, even if you don't like it and the other is a young man that likely needed a male to help guide his way. Get things to do, keep busy and write them letters even if you don't mail them. Once they get over being mad at whatever made them think you were mean, they'll come back, most kids do unless their Mom is a controlling verbally/physically abusive mean person.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:10 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I feel so bad reading this posting..because I was in your kid's shoes. My mother and I have had an up and down relationship...because I felt she was too controlling and I've always been the kid (middle child of course) to do what she wants when she wants. the best thing I could telll you is that maybe your children are trying to get a message accross to you and you really need to listen to them, it might take some adjustment on your part. After almost 3 years of not speaking to my mother I changed my mind because my kids missed her. Spending that time away from my mom made me appreciate her more as a person now. I know it's hard and my mom used to tell me the same thing..how she cried for me but our relationship wasn't healthy at all. Now that I am older and she's older I feel that we can communicate better and respect each other. Hang in there..and remember to always love your kids unconditionally that's most important
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 5:21 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Try writing love letters to your children. Call and leave a message saying that you love them and wish that they are having a good day. Or just thought of something cute they did or said when they were younger. I'm 22, married with a child, but I love it when my mother calls me to tell me she remembered something cute or stupid I did as a kid. lol. Think positive. If they don't appreciate you now, trust that they will later.
    Glickstein

    Answer by Glickstein at 5:25 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Not sure how to advise and not trying to be mean but what did you think would happen when they grew up? They move away. They have lives of their own. Perhaps they just need time away. Did they think you were smothering them? IDK. I was thrilled when mine felt independent enough to live life and make decisions on their own. I would think you'd be proud they are strong and independent and seeing what life offers them. They will call when they can.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:53 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • They will be back. I know it hurts but sometimes you just have to let go. They will come back they still love you they are just living their lives right now. I feel your pain, I really do.
    HoneyPot78

    Answer by HoneyPot78 at 7:19 PM on May. 26, 2009

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