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I just need some guidance.

My mom died last month and i'm adopting my little brother. He is 4yrs old. I already have my DSS, he is 3yrs old. They are 13 months apart. I love them both so much. My DH is in the military, currently in Iraq. Before my mom died we were planning on TTC during his R&R. That way, when he came home from Iraq for good i'd be about 4 months pregnant. Now my husband is telling me we should wait. He thinks i'll be too stressed. It will be my first biological child. He was actually the one who wanted a baby more then i did. But now that plans have changed i feel like i want it more then he does. He says it's my choice. But that he feels it would be better if we wait.
Any thoughts?


Asked by outstandingLove at 4:50 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • You should wait. with two children under the age of 4 you are going to be very stressed. I believe your husband is right. You need to adjust to the new lifestyle and help your brother adjust to his mom not being around anymore. I understand that you would like to have your own biological child, but it would not be fair to your baby if you cannot provide him/her with all the love and attention the baby needs. Get the two boys you have in the home now adjusted to a daily routine/schedule and get them settled to all of the changes before you add more changes to their lives so soon. good luck
    after you get settled and you think you can handle two rowdy boys and a little baby then talk to your husband again.

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 5:04 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I agree with your husband, and I think that is great that he has your best interests at heart. I think having an adjustment period would be good for the entire family. It allows your brother to get used to a new home and family, and bond with your SS before adding a new baby into the mix. Maybe even just waiting to your husband is home would be better. Then he will be there for support, and to wrangle all of the toddlers in your house. : ) If you had been through pregnancy already, it might be different, but since it is your first, you might want to have all of the support and help around you that is possible.

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 4:58 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. You are doing a great thing taking in your brother, but I kind of agree with your dh. You are going to have your hands FULL with those two boys, and your brother is going to need a LOT of nurturing to get through this loss. Would it be a problem to put it off for 6 months or a year?

    Answer by mary717 at 5:00 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I think life is always stressful but you adjust to a new baby. only you two will know what is best and what you can handle. it may be good to take some time bonding with your brother as his caretaker. You will have had your brother for almost a year by the time the baby is born and he may be in kindergarten while you are home with the baby. If the timing is off it wouldn't hurt to wait 4 months til your hubby comes back and ttc then. Really I can see you making it work both ways so just trying to throw some senarios out there.

    Answer by ria7 at 5:00 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Sorry for your loss. I have to agree with him, you may want to wait and see just how much work two little ones are before adding another. Not too mention most importantly, you now have a 4 yr old who has lost his mother, this is going to be a huge period of adjustment for the poor little thing, perhaps a new baby now won't be the greatest as it will be another adjustment. God bless you for taking him in.

    Answer by salexander at 5:02 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • yea. that's what i thought i'd hear. thank you for your thoughts
    But just to add. My brother is already used to me being his care provider. My mom had open heart surgery when he was about 2yrs old and i took care of both of them during that time, for a whole year. She had a lot of ups and downs so DSS and i went to my moms house everyweekend or more so that they could play and i could make sure my mom and brother were okay.
    I'm not saying that has made this easy. I'm just saying that my brother has had an easy transition. Everything has actually been much harder for my DSS.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 5:25 PM on May. 26, 2009

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