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tell the truth or what she wants to hear?

long story short, my mom has been at my house for 4 days. Her husband is controlling, lies to her, lets his son mentally, verbally and 2 times physically abuse her. She left, has been here. She went to go talk to her dh today, decided to go back even though nothing would change. Son came home, threw a fit. Said he was going to buy a gun. Police came, couldnt do anything because he didnt make a direct threat. Mom came back here. Still wants to go back with her dh, lays no blame on him, just his son. Son will be 18 in 3 weeks. Mom asking my advice. Wouldnt usually get in anyones business but i am being put in the middle. My opinion is that she should divorce, he doesnt love or respect her. Anyone who would let their wife be threatened is no good. But mom has had a hard life and doesnt feel she deserves to not be abused. Thats her normal. So do i tell her that or just tell her that she is right, her husband is great?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • She is your mom and derserves the truth, as painful as it may be.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 10:37 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I would tell her exactly what you thought. Don't lie to her. I am sure she has had enough of it with her husband & his son.
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 10:38 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Do not tell her that she is right. She needs help. Moving away from that horrible environment and seeing a therapist will help her. If you can get her to move out, have her get a restraining order and start the divorce process immediately!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • When asked my opinion, I give it. If someone wants me to tell them what they want to hear instead of my opinion...they best not ask me. I think it is important to be honest with her. Just because his son will be 18 in 3 wks doesn't mean he won't be out of the house. Her DH is allowing him to abuse her...that's a pretty crappy DH.
    MamaJen74

    Answer by MamaJen74 at 10:43 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • i am just scared of pushing her away if i do tell the truth. If i say something against her husband, maybe she will resent me if she goes back and if something happens again she wont come to me. I am pretty sure that she is going back. She is going to conseling with them tomorrow. But i hope not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Tell the truth. If you don't you are doing her and yourself a disservice. She may not like it but sometimes the truth hurts. Better a little hurt now then god forbid physically hurt later. She needs to stay away from her DH and his no good son. Her life was threatened, that is not a joke and should not be taken lightly (I am not implying that you are). She may not take your advice but at least you know you tried. I am sorry your mom is going through this, it cannot be easy for either of you.
    Tawanda74

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 10:52 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • mamajen- its just scary to me that he will be an "adult" in 3 weeks because he will be able to buy a gun legally. I just dont know what to tell her when she keeps telling me "i finally found a good man" i want to say, a good man doesnt let this happen to you, doesnt let you sit in a house with no heat and ac, but can buy 2 new vehicles in the past month. Make you work, but doesnt let you have your money. And he doesnt even work!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • i would tell her you don't agree but that you will support whatever she does decide. just explain that you feel she deserves to be treated better than the way she is being treated. and i would also tell her that IF (you really think it will happen but you can play it like maybe it won't so that its less offensive) anything does happen again she can still come to you and you will help her with her choices then as well. while doing this i would also tell her options available aside from going back (staying with you til she gets on her feet, a close friend, counseling just for herself etc....)
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:55 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • twanda- thanks, i am just happy to be in a possition to help her. My mom is a good woman who has been through hell in her life. And she raised my sister and i through some of the hell, but sheltered us from it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Be direct and straight forward. Telling her what she wants to hear is only enabling her to stay. She needs the brutal truth, whether she wants to acknowledge it or not. You cannot make her leave, it's a choice she'll have to make on her own. But she needs to know that you think she deserves better. Eventually, after hearing that several times, she will get it. Let her know that you are there and you will support her and help her any way you can, as long as she is helping herself.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 11:07 PM on May. 26, 2009

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