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How can you tell your mother to back off when you live with her?

I currently live with my mother with my six month old son. I am so grateful and blessed to have my mom in my life and without her, I do not know if I could have done it, she is my angel. Though there are times where she puts too much input and tells me exactly what to do. She refuses to let me give my son a bath, she fights me when I try to take him out somewhere and we even have disagreements over the clothes his wears and does not like me buying clothes without her, even when I pay for everything. Further more, she scolds me still like a child on when to feed him and says I change his diaper wrong. I cannot think straight when I have my mom yelling at me when I do things wrong in her eyes, it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me to take care of my own son. I know that this is her house and her grandchild but how can I nicely tell her to let me handle things with my own son without coming off mean?

 
FunkyMonkeyMum

Asked by FunkyMonkeyMum at 10:43 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (10)
  • i'm so right there, and this is what i did with my mom when we moved in and i got to the point you are at. i sat her down when i wasn't mad and said look this is my child and i know its your grandchild, but just b/c i live here doesn't mean you can tell me how and what to do with him. i'm sure your mother did the same to you and it drove you nuts as well, so could you just try to cut back a little for me. if you really think hes in danger or you totally disagree on something than you can say so, but if not please try to keep your opinions to yourself. you'll have to remind her every once in awhile and she'll give you the i'm grandma i'm supposed to, i just tell my mom yes i know that but she's my daughter/he's my son, and i have to learn how to do this myself w/o someone over my shoulder telling me what to do or not do. and she'll back off again for a bit.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:48 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Hmm...without coming off mean? Maybe I'm not the best person to answer this because I have a tendency to come off abrasive. Maybe try something like "I appreciate your advice and all the wonderful things you do to help me, but this is MY child to care for the way I see fit and I don't think it's something we need to argue about. I will take your thoughts into consideration but when it boils down to it, the decisions are mine to make."

    See...that was me trying to be nice. When I read it...it still sounds abrasive.
    MamaJen74

    Answer by MamaJen74 at 10:46 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I think you should sit down and have a serious conversation with her. Say something along the lines of "Listen mom, I really appreciate all your help with______(insert baby name) I'm lucky to have someone like you but sometimes it seems like your advice is overpowering my own parenting instinct. He is my son and I feel that I know whats best for him. I don't mind snipets of advice here and there especially if I ask for it but please calm down with the advice for now" or something like that. you just have to be nice and remind her that she already had her baby. She could be feeling sad that you are so grown up now.
    AidensMommy608

    Answer by AidensMommy608 at 10:48 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • "mom, I love you. I appreciate everything you do for us. But this is MY child. You raised yours, now let me raise mine."
    Arisce

    Answer by Arisce at 10:49 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • id just tell her nicely your a grown up now and you wanna raise your son your way..its your kid you wanna make the rules and raise him your way but if you need advice tell her youll ask her...tell her like youll always need her but not all the time hope this helps
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • I don't even live with my mom and she's like that. Except I can just leave when she starts crap. Anyways you could just tell her that you appreciate her input but since you are his mother you would like to try it your way first, then if it is wrong like she said you will try her way.
    OwensMama824

    Answer by OwensMama824 at 10:57 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • You could always move out of her house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • You need to start looking for a place of your own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Try writing her a letter or having the conversation when you are both calm and happy. It won't work if tension is already high. Tell her that with all her criticism, it is hard for you to be a good mother to your baby. Tell her you really need her support, but criticizing you constantly isn't helping anything. Make sure you let her know that you value her opinion and that just because you disagree, doesn't mean that either one of you is wrong. It just means you are different people with different ideas about parenting. Tell her that you might make some mistakes, but as long as your child is safe and healthy, they are probably mistakes you need to make in order to become a better person and a better mother. If it is a letter, you might want to put it inside a nice thank you card or something, so she understands that it is coming from a positive place.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:11 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • I think maybe you just need to sit down with her and tell her how you are feeling. remember that she still thinks of you as her CHILD. No matter what, in her mind she feels she can do it better - just like you will feel with your gandchild. I talked with my mom about this also - I think if you openly and honestly let her know that YOU Have to figure out a routine and how to care for YOUR Child without her input ALL the time and you are grateful for her help and support but you do need to learn some of these things with trial and error -
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:32 AM on May. 27, 2009

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