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Step daughter trouble. What do I do?

My 12 yr. old step daughter is a nightmare. She has been diagnosed with ADHD by 3 different medical professionals but her parents refuse to put her on medication. She gets explosive, physically hurts her older sister, talks back directly in your face, throws things, picks fights, etc. etc. She has ruined the last two Christmases for me, and last Thanksgiving. I dread her coming over (every-other weekend). I finally told my husband that he has to take her somewhere else for visitation because she disrupts our entire home. It's terrible and I can't keep living it. My husband can't stand her behavior either but feels powerless to do much because his ex-wife has custody 80% of the time (thank goodness). My own children have never disrespected me and been rude and scary like my step-daughter. I don't want her to ruin my wonderful marriage. Help!

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Asked by SeadooMom at 11:15 PM on May. 26, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • There's not much you can do, she's not your daughter. You married him, so you have to just deal with it. You might talk to your husband and have him talk to her mom. Is it just when she's with you or is it at her mom's house too?

    Answer by sarapurser at 11:18 PM on May. 26, 2009

  • Thanks for your input. I appreciate you taking the time to give me advice. To answer your question, my step-daughter is much worse with her real mother. Much worse. Unfortunately, my husband and his ex-wife have a horrible relationship. I'm sure that doesn't help matters. I feel trapped. I can't get her the medication that I think she needs because I'm not her parent, but I have to suffer the bad behavior. I'm afraid she's going to get worse as she becomes a teen. If my husband isn't going to put her on medication, and counseling has done nothing, then I think he should take her to our other house when he has visitation with her. It's not fair that she upsets our entire house. I don't know what to think or do about it anymore.

    Answer by SeadooMom at 12:20 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Wow I have a biokid he is add and causes friction I wonder if I can bail out ?
    you married him he is her father you need to find a way to deal . I am not sayin it is easy but FAMILY is a messy messy thing ,

    Answer by CSRodriguez at 1:22 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • Hey.. I'm in your shoes exactly.. Only my stepson is 8, and not horrible all the time. He had ADD and his parents thinks he's perfect and nothing is wrong.. He also is aging much slower than the other children and had some serious emotional problems.. But to them, he's perfect.. They don't see how he really is, and makes excuses.. Oh his parents are divorced.. Or he's fine. I just don't love him like they do.. Yadda Yadda.. So I know what you are going through. My husband and I are getting custody soon, which i'm happy and terrified! I know he'll get the help he needs here, but I know it'll be hell at least for a little while.. If you need anyone to talk to, you can message me!

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 9:36 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • I'm a step mom too.As a step mom you get the responsibility given to you and can make no decisions that reguard the child.Which is unfair.I think you did the right thing by arrangeing him to have a different place for his visitation.

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:21 PM on May. 28, 2009

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