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At what age do men start to have less of a sex drive?

I'm 28, my fiance will be turning 40 this September. Regardless of the age difference, we're a perfect match. We're best friends, we have similar interests & hobbies & we are just totally in love & have been for 3 years.

Anyhoo.....we don't have sex as regularly anymore. I feel like I'm horny more often than he is, i will wake up in the middle of the night & masterbate just to get sex off my mind (i would wake him up, but i'm scared he'd say no due to the fact that he gets up too early) And i think about it all day long. I feel like he is not as interested in it as he used to be. We do it now, maybe once a week. I'd be happy if it were every day. But, is this normal? Is it because of his age? Do men at 40 think of sex as much as they did 10-15 years earlier? Or am I just a horny woman? Or could it just be that the romance stage is wearing off? Anyone have a similar experience?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on May. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Wake him up with a blow job or by jacking him off. You need to satisfy your needs. All men and women go threw phases when it comes to sex. I am 26 right now and could careless about sex. Talk to him about it and explain to him how you feel. Do you make time for just you two with no phone, computer, tv and things? Try setting up a romantic night for you all or give him a massage or to relax him and ease your way into sex. Your age is a big part of it as your in a peak age right now and he's not.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:15 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • OP here:

    I think part of the problem too, is that i can be too shy when inititating. So, even when i want it REAL bad, i struggle to initiate. Sometimes i prefer masterbation, just so that i don't have t initiate anything. I will do it easily if i notice he's feeling horny. But, if he is limp & snoring, or potato couching it, i have a hard time making the effort to MAKE him get in the mood. I hate my shy-ness....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • uhh 21? LOL I'm the one who is always horny in our relationship it feels like. I just think its a natural part of a relationship to die down and not be a 3 times a day every day kind of thing. If you want more tell him. Your marrying him so you need to be open and honest about it. He may not even think anything is wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • GET OVER IT. Go buy a few little outfits for him and if your horny go get dressed up and come out in a maid outfit or a nurse outfit. Even if he is limp you can get him hard by jacking him off or giving him oral sex. You would be surprised. Have you ever called to talk dirty to him at work so he gets all worked up before he gets home? I did it to my husband all the time while he was in Iraq. I would just describe what I wanted him to do or what I wanted to do to him and go from there. SPICE IT UP and stop being shy.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:24 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • OP

    It's not easy to just STOP being shy. I've been shy my whole life. I get anxious in a way i don't want when initiating. It all stems from insecurities, i know that. I start thinking "he wont want to" or "maybe i've gained too much weight & he's not attracted to me" or things along those lines. That's a whole different post.

    I cannot do phone sex. It just makes me want to laugh at myself. I'd feel like a total dork, & he would probably laugh at me. I have sent him text messages before telling him the sex dreams i had.....he texted me back "well why don't you go masterbate then".........

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Go get a dildo

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • I can't initiate either. Not for the same reason as you, but my husband has made me feel like I can't. I use to, but he'd turn me down almost every time, and act annoyed. He doesn't get turned on when I initiate, he likes pursuing me, and he doesn't like it at night, he likes to in the morning which is really annoying. I have always given when he wanted to, even when I didn't. What times I did initiate, and he did give in (which wasn't often), he'd make it as if he was just trying to get it done and over with and put little effort in to it. I'd end up feeling guilty for even doing it because he'd huff, roll his eyes, and act like I was making him do a chore. It was really distracting and sex would end up sucking when he did that, so now I just don't initiate, instead I lay there in frustration until I fall asleep. I don't masturbate, or have a desire to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Yep, men are in their peak in their late teens, early twenties. You haven't reached your peak yet. It will probably come around age 40. Keep doing what you have been. Nothing wrong with that.

    Answer by momtoeight at 10:45 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • I wish I knew my hubby is 39 and has the sex drive of a 15 year old boy. The wind blows the right way and he is hard and ready to go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • My husband is 37 and is ready for sex every minute of the day. I could call him now he would be home in 7 minutes ready to go. We have sex before he leaves for work. He comes home for lunch to have sex and we will have sex tonight before bed. We do this daily. I am thankful I have as high of a sex drive as him. We have sex more in our 30s than we did in our 20s. Seems he is more horny the older he

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on May. 27, 2009

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