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Have your parents gotten to the point where they need you to care for them??

My father in law was very sick, last week in ICU for 8 days. Now he's home and we have been caring for him. His knees, ankles and joints hurt to the point where he can't even walk to the bathroom. He's only 68 years old. He's extremely overweight, has diabetes, heart disease and severe artritis.
Now, my problem is, he hasn't showered in over a week, still peeing in a bottle, can't prepare his own meals, etc. But, he thinks he can make it to a baseball game this weekend out of town! I'm thinking he's getting spoiled on us catering to him. He has no motivation to get himself better. He lives alone in a 2 story home w/ the shower and his bed upstairs. Of course, he can't make it upstairs on his own. And when the time comes for my husband to help him up, he says "No, it's too early to go to bed!" My husband works full time, has 3 kids and is getting really frustrated w/his father.
Any ideas on how we should handle him?


Asked by mamaada at 9:50 AM on May. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,083 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Does he qualify for in home nurse? They can set up a hospital bed in a lower level of the house and give him sponge baths. Or they can always get him an adaptive shower for the time being so he can sit in the shower. If your all frustrated let him go for the weekend but let him know when he gets back he needs to start working towards getting back in shape so he can go back to his house. The game will give you the break you need and if your husband is tired and ready for bed and his father is not let him know that he will have to get in bed alone as your not staying up to put him to bed when he is ready because you have other things to do and you need sleep as well and have kids to care for.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:53 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • He probably would qualify for a home nurse, but he's really stubborn and thinks it's just going to take time to get better. Therefore, he doesn't want to call the doctor. And for a home nurse we need a referral from his doctor. Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it.

    Answer by mamaada at 9:57 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • First of all my mother has dementia and she is a hanful.Why is your husband getting frustrated.I take care of my mother.I have her all the time with me when I leave the house I take her with me or someone stays home with her.She has a great doctor and medicare usually well send a nurse out twice a week.There are lots of programs.The senior center,a place called altamed .If he is getting so frustrated with his parents then he should think about one day he will be like that to.Sorry I am coming down to hard but he is not doing anything.I could see if he is wiping his ass everyday ,washing his clothes ,taking him to the doctor,dealing with him all the time where he could get overwhelmed but he is not.Take my advice have patience with his father he is old and sick.I have three kids,a husband,a mother who has dementia and who wanders and I have 3 dogs .I am not complaning.I also went through this with my father .Good luck ,be kind.

    Answer by monica-alvarez at 10:01 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Monica...he's getting frustrated at the fact that we have to do everything for him and he thinks he's able to go to a baseball game this weekend! Duh? Believe me, we are kind and we do have patience. He's not going to be like this for long. Soon he'll be out golfing. We are frustrated w/him because it seems to us like he's lazy! Thanks lady!

    Answer by mamaada at 10:12 AM on May. 27, 2009