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My 14 year old is about to push me over the edge......

I have had it with him, he wont get out of bed for school, listen to anything I say. I have taken everything away, limited his activities and he is the most defiant boy I have ever seen in my life. He was charged in school for disorderely conduct and disruption of school which the judge gave him 30 day suspended sentence and 2 years probation. This morning he threatened to punch me in the face if I didnt let him sleep. I told him I was calling his po and he said go ahead, I cant wait to see you cry when they lead me away in cuffs. I am now on valiums. I am going to snap. please give me some good advice, I dont know how much more I can take.

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DIANE463

Asked by DIANE463 at 10:55 AM on May. 27, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Send him to a military school.
    LuvBug3

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 10:58 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • If he was my son,,and I did all I thought I could do,(in a non physical way)..I would get physical with him.I would show him who's boss. We both would be going to jail. But that's just me..


    By chance are you a single mom? Because I didn't here you say anything about your DH/SO doing anything to help.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:07 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • I'd talk to his parole officer. You are right he is being defiant and some kids just don't get it. It takes something to get to them and if you can't do it you need to have help. Let the PO and the judge handle it . It will not do anything but get worse if you let him push you around. Kids have to have consequences that matter to them or they don't care . It sounds like your son is trying to push a guilt trip off on you and it is time to call his bluff.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 11:07 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Believe it or not I have lived with his father since the day he was born. But his answer to everything is beating him with a belt, or taking him out in the front yard and beating his ass, Hes an asshole. I was never hit growing up so I dont know what to do. If I got physical with him Im afraid I wouldnt be able to stop. I get so angry I just want to leave my family and disappear. It will break my heart if he gets locked up. And he knows it. But do I call his bluff?
    DIANE463

    Answer by DIANE463 at 11:16 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Call his PO and let them take him away in handcuffs. He knows that you won't do it so why should he do what you tell him? Do not hit him, it sounds like his father does that enough (and it could be considered abuse or assult). It may break your heart to have your son put in jail, but if you keep letting him get away with his behavior, he will end up in prison for a much worse crime and one that you won't be able to help prevent or help keep him out of prison. Stop letting him push you, be the parent and give him a huge dose of TOUGH LOVE. You are just enabling him and his father is just abusing him. Do something now before you lose him forever.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:26 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • Some times you need to let your child get put in juvy..It might teach him something..It's called tough love.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:31 AM on May. 27, 2009

  • I'm sorry you're having to deal with this! I'd make SURE to never tell him something you're going to do and then not be willing to do it. He's smart enough to call your bluff and when you don't carry through, he has no respect for you. It sounds like he is begging for more boundaries and though you might have a tough time on your hands getting there - you need to set clear boundaries with clear consequences and follow through every single time.

    Don't use valium in order to escape - that will make a bad situation worse.

    Get counseling. Read Parenting Teens with Love and Logic - call his P.O. and DO NOT cry in front of him.

    Something I tell my kids is "I'll fight to the death for you - even if YOU are who I'm having to fight."

    Good luck, mom - I'll keep you in my prayers. ;)
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 12:05 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • So what you're doing obviously isn't working. I doubt that doing it harder is going to make it work better. Do most people replying believe you need training to disrespect him the right way?

    It strikes me that few (if any) people have anything that resembles respect for your son. In fact, I'd say that the average person actively hates him. I'm not surprised he's disengaged and enraged.

    Do you remember the helpless little boy he was? He is still in there. For some excellent reason, he is deeply hidden beneath layers of offensiveness, to keep people from getting close enough to hurt him more.

    Have you wondered if maybe he's actually tired? Or that he is desparate for anyone in the world to be on his side? If you were to see your behaviour toward him this week with his eyes, does he have any reason to believe that you don't hate him? Do you ever listen to him?

    Kids need love the most when they deserve it least.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:59 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • I had to call on my cousin's boy once...he told me he hated me. I told him, "At least you'll be alive to do that!" Many years later, he is a grown, responsible father of three with his youth history expunged. Tough love is the only way. Don't cry about sending him off now. You may be saving his life. Some day he's going to mouth off to the wrong person and not be able to hold a job or worse, get shot. Save the tears for that.
    burnsbct

    Answer by burnsbct at 3:28 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • WOW...your situation sounds very difficult. I don't have a teenager yet, my oldest is only 9.Teen years is something I'm looking forward and afraid of at the same time. I think what I would do in your situation, is call his po...I think sometimes the best love is tough love. Definitley don't let him see you cry...if you have to..walk away and don't even watch them take him in cuffs to the police car,close the front door and don't look out the window either. Remind yourself, it's for his own good.Maybe then initiate family counseling,even if its only you and your son. He's a young man that will grow into an adult.Teach him now..or he'll have a hard time as an adult.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:15 PM on May. 27, 2009

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