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what can I do if I think my husband is going through a midlife crisis and done with our relationship?

My husband has recently started talking to another girl on the phone. He is 39 years old and I am 37 years old. He has all the "symptoms" of a midlife crisis from what I looked up on the internet. We have 3 kids together ages 2, 6, and 14 and have been together almost 18 years. He barely talks to me and when I told him I miss him he says "I had my chance". How do I get my husband back? I want to fight for him and our relationship because it means very much to me. Any suggestions? Thanks!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on May. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Call his bluff!! He thinks he can do whatever he wants and you'll just take it.. don't!! Be prepared to make some threats.. you don't have to live like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • What CAN you really do if HE doesn't want what you want? You can't save your marriage on your own, he has to be on the same page as you and willing to take the right steps. If he is talking to other women on the phone to get your attention (altho it's a bad way to do it) then that's one thing. It could be he's feeling neglected. BUT you can't allow him to put you thru that hurt. If he really feels it's done, then it's done. It may be hard, but as a "survivor" of divorce after a horrible 10 yr. relationship I can say I am better off and so are my children. Sometimes the grass really is greener! If he's not even willing to talk to you, you need to think about that. Don't give him a chance he doesn't even want to take!

    Answer by 7mom1977 at 1:25 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • wow! first off i must say you have to be a strong person and very much in love. Have you tried counsling? Try sitting down with him and asking him if he wants to not be with you anymore then why is he still there? Why hasnt he moved out?? I mean i have to ask why you are lettimg this happen im your house? if it was my husband i would say either either your family or the other woman, hunny he needs to be working for you not the other way around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • Let him go. Ever heard the saying if you love someone, set them free? You can't force someone to do something you want if they don't want to. Tell him to pack his stuff and move out so that you can legally file separation and then get a lawyer. This will show him you mean business. The grass always looks greener on the other side. And you deserve better. Hopefully this will be a wake up call.

    Answer by dawpea at 1:40 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • Midlife crisis is not an excuse for an affair.  There are plenty of things he can do without putting your marriage on the line.

    Having said that, if you are willing to fight for your man then I suggest going back to the beginning and start dating again.  Go out and do stuff together and have some fun.

    I would also suggest spicing things up in the bedroom by wearing sexy lingerie or trying new things.


    Answer by beeky at 1:51 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • I'm going through this right now so all I can think of is if you want to fight...have him do the work. If he wants the single life, show him what an asset you are when he has to do his own laundry, cook his own meals. If he hasn't left the bedroom, you still have a chance. If he wants out, he'll get out. If you don't want it to end keep positive and be supportive if there are any other changes in his life. As for the female...I wish I knew what to say, but as an adult...I can't even tell my husband who he can and can't be "friends" with. Maybe it'll ride out and you can talk. Counseling if he's willing might help. You can address the mid life crisis and you can "get on the same page." You can help him understand and help him find the happiness that he seemed to misplace. And...if anything else, counseling can (as a last resort) help mediate a divorce so things can be civil. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 11:12 PM on Dec. 10, 2010

  • Gosh, this really hits close to home. I thought my husband was also going thru the 'crisis'. His personality changed a lot. All the time, he had another, much younger, much prettier woman on the side. I found where he had ordered Viagra from Canada and taken her on vacations. When they reach a certain point, I don't think you can finagle them back. Best to just let them go. I went to pieces, but after the divorce, met a man who has continued to be faithful to me. My life now is so much better. I hope the same for you.

    Answer by reginabrown at 3:32 AM on Dec. 11, 2010

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