Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it cruel to pinch back?

My one and a half year old has rediscovered pinching. Despite no's and time outs he is still doing it. Should I pinch him back, not hard enough to bruise, but hard enough for him to realize it hurts?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on May. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I also have a one and a half year old who started pinching. I pinched her hard enough for her to feel it but never bruise. And it only took ONE time for her to realize it hurts and I told her if she doesn't like it, don't do it to me or anyone else! We also went through the biting phase and she bit me like 4 times in 6 months, I bit her once at the beginning and again at the end (of course NOT HARD ENOUGH TO LEAVE TEETH MARKS OR ANYTHING) and explained if she's gunna do it, expect to be bitten back! She hasn't bit me in 2 months now and LICKS me instead (which startled me to begin with! LOL)
    As far as hitting, that seems to be a lot different! I am still struggling with our hitting and hitting back DOES NOT work! It seems to not hurt as bad for them as pinching or biting. So for her hitting I hold her hands down or smack her leg or put her in a time out.
    That's my 2 cents anyways...
    07lilmama1108

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 1:50 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • Sounds too close to tit-for-tat to me which is something I wouldn't want to teach a kid. My friend's toddler likes to smack, so she smacks him back, so then he smacks her back and it just goes on and on. Her toddler doesn't really associate the pain of the smack with the pain he causes his mom. He just likes smacking her and getting a reaction.

    Is there something else you can try like taking a toy away? Some other negative consequence?
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 1:27 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • No i dont think you should do that, why shouldnt he keep doing it? If you are going to pinch him? I know you are trying to teach him that pinching hurts and it doesnt feel good, but i dont think that will solve it
    I am going through the biting with my son he just turned 3 and in my opinion is too dang old to be biting, so everyone wish us both the best!
    camtri3

    Answer by camtri3 at 1:31 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • I think that if you are asking the question, which shows that you are doubting your behavior and uncomfortable with it, you already know your answer.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 1:51 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • i say go for it..i did that with my daughter when she was that age and it worked!! she realized that it wasnt very nice and stopped..i mean obviously, ilke you said, as long as youre not doing it enuff to hurt her, break skin, or bruise her..but just enuff to let her know that heyyyy this doesnt feel nice.
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 2:01 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • That just sounds cruel. I could never hurt my child...especially to try and prove that hurting is wrong.
    PB_J

    Answer by PB_J at 2:05 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • I don't think it teaches them much by hurting them back. Some people think that if they pinch their toddlers back that it will make them realize it hurts and they won't do it again. I disagree. Why is it okay for you to pinch your toddler but your toddler can not pinch others? What is that teaching them? I think at one and half you should distract them and also tell them it's not nice in a stern tone (but not yelling). If it becomes a huge problem you can try time out and explaining that hurting people is not nice. Hurting them back will just make them angry and leaving them to wonder why they can't pinch, but mommy and daddy can.
    chrissy12507

    Answer by chrissy12507 at 2:18 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • i would, but explain that if he doesnt like it then he shouldnt do it to other people. my cousin was a big hair puller, one day they pulled his back. he was very upset about it, but they explained its not ok to hurt mommy, daddy, or anyone else. he should treat people how he wants to be treated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • my cousin was a big hair puller, one day they pulled his back. he was very upset about it, but they explained its not ok to hurt mommy, daddy, or anyone else. he should treat people how he wants to be treated.


     


    And so how does THAT make sense?  "He should treat people how he wants to be treated."  If that's how they want him to grow up, then they should NOT pull his hair in order to teach him NOT to pull other people's hair.  They should set an example and treat HIM the way THEY want to be treated.

    PB_J

    Answer by PB_J at 2:52 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • it's one thing to continuously pinching, or biting your child, but when there is a problem and "telling them it's wrong" doesn't work, it's time to actually take action! I believe in punishing a child for bad behavior! Not giving them a "that's not nice hunny" lecture! Which a child drowns out almost immediately! And OF COURSE mommy and daddy can! we're the mfn parents!!! I mean sh*t let them handle a knife, cook on the stove, cross the street by themselves too! If mommy and daddy can, so can they! I mean, they're equals not kids right?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on May. 28, 2009