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How do you deal with the kids bio-mom (or dad) who doesn't have any rules?

My step kids have been going to their bio-mom's about once a month. In the divorce it states that she has a right to see them upon reasonable request. This past weekend when the kids got home they were exhausted and slept 17 hours straight. She claims she put them to bed by 9:00 but we know better because they have been up before until 9:00 and didn't sleep 17 hours. She also claims they were worn out because they played so much outside. Another falsehood as the kids report they mainly watched videos (and played a little baseball). How would you handle this? They always come home exhausted, crabby and it takes us days, if not a week to get them caught up in their sleep. Would you not allow them to go and see her? When we question her she lies. We sent her established rules (ie: to be in bed by 8:30 and to limit TV/videos/movies and she ignors everything. she doesn't have any rules or doesn't follow our guidelines. HELP

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3kidsatonce

Asked by 3kidsatonce at 3:27 PM on May. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (3)
  • How old are the kids? Can you enlist their help, by saying "hey its hard on us when you come home so tired and crabby. Make sure you stick as close to our rules as you can even when you are not at home' My son use to come home from sleepovers a mess because they did not sleep. I just let him know, its hard for me to say yes to sleep overs when it affects him for DAYS after. He started to actually sleep at sleepover since then. He is 9, so if yours are younger they may not be able to take on the self-responsibility.
    teampalmer4

    Answer by teampalmer4 at 3:36 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • Sit the kids down and explain that while different houses have different rules, they are old enough to know WHY some rules exist and to take charge of their own well-being. Ask them how it feels to be so exhausted for a week after a visit. Ask them what THEY could do while at their mom's to help prevent that same awful feeling the next time. Just because mom won't put them to bed doesn't mean tween-aged kids can't do it themselves. Give them the power (and permission) to help themselves since she won't help them and you can't force her to.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 3:36 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • I understand where you are coming from been there done that. Then again I know not everyone is like ourselves but would you take orders from someone that don't even have rules that they go by.
    She probably laughs about it and continues to do whatever she wants to do with her kids I mean she is the mother. Just pray and take care of the kids when they are with you let them realize who is in the wrong here, you can only do so much... you try but it doesn't mean anything to them.
    Just make the best of it for them while they are on your clock. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 5:20 PM on May. 27, 2009

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