Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is best for everyone involved?

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now, we have 2 children together. He is a very controlling, jealous person. I cant have friends, he says he doesnt think I should have to work but really its his contol that does not want me to work. I cant even go to the store by myself. To top it all off he is a very cruel person he makes rude comments to me all the time. Then when its time to go to bed of course he is "Mr. Great Man" I do love the man he is the father of my children but I am not in love anymore, but I do not want my kids to be without a father. I just dont know what to do??? Besides I really have nowhere to go, no money, no vehicle, NOTHING!!! Which I am sure is the way he wanted. Anyone have any advice????

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on May. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • If you are ready to leave him it will be hard but it has to be worth it to you to make it happen. There are ways, like staying with family, shelters, getting on housing for you and your kids, taking a bus, having to work and get child care for your kids. All things that are possible, but not ideal, it just depends on if it is worth it to you or not. Find support from wherever you can. Your kids should not see you like this, or see it is okay for a man to treat awoman like that, and if you do stay that is another thing you need to consider is what is it teaching your children. If you dont decide to leave, please at least get counseling, for your marriage, and for your self esteem.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 10:28 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • My advice would be to take the kids and go to a shelter. File to custody and let him have visitation rights. It sounds a lot like Emotional Abuse and Mental Abuse. I went through what ur going through only mine also included physical and sexual abuse. He has Isolated u. I am just starting to rebuild relationships with my family and friends and have been out of "that" situation for 2 1/2 yrs now. I hope I helped u out. It's not a fun situation to be in and if he isn't making u happy now then he wont make u happy. Good luck and I hope all works out for u. If u have any more ?'s u can send me a message or add me.
    rugratsmommy4

    Answer by rugratsmommy4 at 10:30 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • why are you still swith him. then. you should have left him a while ago. But you sound like you don't really mind it. So why compl;ain . To me it sounds like your just complaining to complain.
    If it really bothers you .then go already leave the bastard........
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • You are no longer a victim but a VOLUNTEER to your pain...
    just remember what your willing to settle for... if your willing to settle for a controlling man who degrades you and that your not in love with... you will stay.... if you realize that your better than that and shouldnt settle for less than what your worth, you will do what you need to do.... it will be hard either way.. Number one think about your kids best interest and than your best interest... do you want your kids growing up around his controlling and degrading behavior? ...they will see that and think that its the way THEY should act..
    From what you just stated in your post you are not happy, so why dont you just leave and do what you need to do to take the steps to do so.... being stuck in something your not happy in will not only affect you, but your kids as well.....
    Leave his ass.... and if u stay, dont complain about what your WILLING TO SETTLE FOR....GL!
    kwiseman19

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 11:00 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • You know whats is best in your heart! You just have to decide what you want in life. If your not happy change it. In my opinion you should be with a person that supports your choices in your life! (carreer, friends, etc.) Do what makes you happy! Set goals and GIRL! Get a job if you want... A car if you want if he can't cope let em leave! You need your own security no matter what! I know I wouldn't be with a man that didn't make sure I had a car, a banking account, spending money,etc. I would feel trapped and that alone would make me resent him! If he loves you he'll love you more when you are independant! Believe in yourself! You can do anything in life you want to if you want it bad enough!
    AlyConMom

    Answer by AlyConMom at 11:38 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • LEAVE BEFORE IT BECOMES PHYSICAL ABUSE. RIGHT NOW IT IS ONLY VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE. GOOGLE VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND SEE IF THE SYMPTOMS APPLY TO YOUR SITUATION AND GET HELP. THERE ARE SO MANY RESOURCES FOR WOMEN IN OUR SITUATION.
    St1nkyBananas

    Answer by St1nkyBananas at 11:57 PM on May. 27, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN