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I need help

Okay, I have a 22 month old son from a previous relationship.

My ex-husband left me when Connor was 3 months old and I started dating a guy our mutual friend introduced me to about 4 months later. We hit it off great and have had a great relationship! However, 6 months ago I found out I was pregnant, even though I'd been taking birth control since my son was 2 months old. My bf almost insisted I have an abortion. I was heart broken. I am a very pro-life person, and he said he wanted me to abort so he could finish college and make a life for my son and I first. I was VERY distressed and ended up losing the baby. My bf proposed to me about a month and a half after we lost the baby and I agreed, but now I think he's dropping hints that maybe he wants another baby, but doesn't know how to show it.

He looks at other babies --c--

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on May. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Semi longingly and we often talk about what we plan to name our children, and (tmi) whenever we're having sex, one of our fantasies is that we're having sex to make a baby. He often tells me that he regrets wanting me to have an abortion, and that he's sorry and that no matter what if I ever fall pregnant again before we plan he'll support us 100%. I'm still on my birth control, and though I've asked him if he wants a baby he always acts like it's some big taboo. To be honest, I'd like another baby now that my son is almost 2, I had a large gap with my younger sister, but my mom had my brother 11/2 after her and they have a great relationship I want my kids to have! However, I'm not sure how to bring it up to my fiance, if I should bring it up, if I should just go off my birth control and let a surprise happen or what!

    Any help? I'm not a trifling, man trapping woman; I'd just like some advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • In case someone says I need to get married first; I was with my husband for 5 years, engaged for a year and married for a year and a half. I have NO faith in lengthy courtships and believe that love and marriage don't necessarily equal out anymore.

    I plan on marrying him, but in a while so I can have a lavish and beautiful wedding.

    And trust me, this is the one. I thought I was madly in love with my husband, though it waned in the months before our separation, I never loved him like I love my fiance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • More about him : He's a very responsible man in most aspects, passing college with mostly A's, got all A's this semester; I think he was just scared being an only child, and not really having that much knowledge about kids. I've taught him as we've went along with my son, but his involvement with him isn't really that deep..more..one step above baby-sitter deep..he loves my son, but he's unsure of how to really parent him..

    I think the idea of his own baby scared the bejeezus out of him and he was just looking for a quick fix..

    I'll never forget after he told me he wanted me to get an abortion how I cried and cried and he told me that he wanted to be there right beside me when we had a baby on 'our terms'. I do love him, and I do forgive him, and I do want to be with him; in fact, thanks again for your advice, but that's not even what I'm asking! lol. It's how or if I should bring it up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • hmmm, I'd say no.. don't go off b/c right now. It sounds like your boyfriend will be ready soon. I'm more concerned about the possible resentment you haven't dealt with in regards to him wanting to abort the first one and you stressing to the point of miscarriage.. have you really dealt with all of that. That is a big cookie to swallow as a pro-lifer..
    scout575

    Answer by scout575 at 12:32 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • scout brought up a really good point about dealing with the past first. personally i don't think i would be able to get over the fact that he wanted an abortion to begin with....add on to it with the fact that now hes dropping hints about having one when not too long ago he wanted an abortion? To me it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I would definitly have a hard and serious sit down talk about it and what it means for each option. You don't want to get preg again and have him flip out again.
    Lovejoy0303

    Answer by Lovejoy0303 at 2:26 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Looking and cooing at babies doesn't mean he is ready to have one. What has changed since he has wanted you to get the abortion? ARe you married yet? Do you have your degree's? Any of his reasonings before are probably still there. ASk HIM! Personally I wouldn't be able to forgive him for pushing me into something I didn't want to do ( even though you didn't have to go through with it).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Ladies, obviously, he wants to have a baby so bad so soon after the miscarriage because he regrets his reaction.. he regrets the miscarriage. But his reasoning to have an abortion... no matter how ridiculous the idea, is still valid. Allow him to finish college and make a good life for you two before you go off birth control.. he'll want to be able to support you.. it's part of being a man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • I made the decision to not further my education for personal reasons, but he's almost done with school.

    Last night, I got seriously hungry at about 11pm lol, and since my son spent the night at his grammas we left and went to McDonalds and he joked and asked if whenever we had a baby if I was going to make him run out for me all the time.

    It's just really confusing.

    It seems like he's really sorry I lost the baby, he flipped out on HIS mom because she said me losing the baby was a blessing in disguise....I mean...beyond flipped out, and cried on me forever saying how sorry he was..

    But I feel like now is THE time for me to have another baby. I have a blood clotting disorder which makes it difficult to conceive anyways, and who knows if I ever will! I figure 24 is a good time to have baby number 2.

    I'm just unsure, but thanks for your advice guys.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on May. 28, 2009

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