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20 yrs ago I broke a guys heart and found him on facebook...he accepted my friend request and was wondering

Is it okay for me to tell him I'm sorry....he is married so am I and we have been going back and forth with water gun fights and pillow fights, drinks and other applications..we interact actively..yet haven't "chatted" via email or instant message.
Here's the situation. In high school we met and I had a baby.I was not with the father however when the baby's father saw me dating he begged me back and I thought it was only "RIGHT" to give him a chance.For the baby's sake... I did give him a chance but It meant hurting the guy I was seeing. He was CRUSHED...I want to tell him I have not forgotten the pain I caused him and regretted letting him go and I'm sorry..
Is it okay for me to tell him my feelings? what would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on May. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Maybe not... as long as you are sure you are only wanting to strictly apologize and thats it. If you are wanting or even afraid of some sort of butterfly feelings coming back, dont try it. Dont put yourself in any situation that might jeopardize what you have now. Then again, you have moved on, so has he and maybe you guys are old enough to be mature about it and handle it right. Just think about how you word it. You dont want his wife to wonder what is going on or why some female is apologizing or maybe she may take like you are wanting him back. Im just trying to think of it how I would if I seen a message from another woman on my husbands messages lol. Now knowing what was going on. Or just start out with friendly chat, see where it goes. Maybe not jump right into all the details. Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • OH NO...I don't want to stir anything up...He has pics of his kids and wife on facebook and they look so happy....and his daughter...you can see she's a daddy's girl....I don't want to mess with that or stir anything up in my own world..
    I just want to tell him i'm sorry and it is only in the name of fun that we play around on facebook.
    by play around I mean the applications and requesting drinks and pillow fight or to go to yoville
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Then I would just start by a friendly chat, say hey and ask how he's been, etc. If you really feel you need to tell him you are sorry then do so, if you feel it will make it uncomfortable, then maybe its better left unsaid. Just go by instinct. Just play it out first. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • My instinc tells me he is waiting for me to make the first move and would like to hear from me....I say this because I have 40 guy friends and he is the only one who is in constant interaction..
    He is shy...He had a crush on me for a year before I persued him in school...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Personally I wouldn't appolgize. Obviously he is ok with it now. I don't think I would worry because things worked out for the both of you.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:58 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • I would just sent him a message and say something like im sorry how things ended in the past but I am happy to see how great things are going for u and something like that.. i mean i wouldnt go in to feelings or whatever..
    miss_nevin

    Answer by miss_nevin at 2:45 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Let it go.. just casual banter ( chit chat) back and forth is enough of an apology! You did what you thought was right for you and your Child at the time. I'm sure this guy ( who's an Adult) can rationalize with the hard decisions that we all have to make.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Apologize for what happened and why you did it (maybe skim the details and tell him what you posted about it being the "RIGHT" thing to do) Mention that you haven't forgotten the pain you caused him. But close with something about how he has a beautiful family and that you're happy for him-- and happy with YOUR family so he won't get the wrong idea. Good luck! I hope it all works out well!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • He accepted your friend request, and has been interacting with you on facebook....I'd say an apology isn't really needed. I know for myself, there are certain people who did things to hurt me, and they wouldn't even get the chance to apologize b/c I wouldn't accept their friend request. I would only accept a friend request from someone who had hurt me if I was willing to forgive and forget, so to speak. If you really feel it's necessary, I'd write him a casual message asking how he's been, what he's been up to, etc., and see what the tone of his answer is. Maybe after a couple of e-mails like that, you could send him one that says something like look, I know we've both moved on and we both have great lives now, but I still feel I owe you an apology for the things that happened when we were in school. That would let you apologize, but it would also let him know that that is ALL you are doing. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:15 AM on May. 28, 2009

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