Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I break my 4yr old out of shyness

I have a 4yr old and she's really shy! She wants to play with other kids and I encourage her but she is really shy! How can I break her or encourage her more? Oh yeah and she is excited about starting school until it boils down to it and she cries and throws a fit about it! Any suggestions?

Answer Question

Asked by usaf_wife_2005 at 10:14 AM on May. 28, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • My nephew was the same way. Take her to parks and introduce her to other kids. Don't let her shy away behind you or ignore someone who is speaking to her. If she is being spoken to make her speak back. Have her talk to other adults as well.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:19 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Well, be gentle with her. Shes really afraid and though she likely wants you to push a little, dont go overboard. A lot of her initiation needs to come from inside herself. Encourage her more than anything. Help break the ice with other kids at the play ground and teach her how to get a conversation going. More than anything you will help her by teaching her that shes pretty, shes valuable, shes friendly and shes worthy to be friends with people. It sounds like she lacks confidence in herself. Work on that because its the root issue. She will be fine when school starts and it will probably help her a lot!...Good luck.

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:23 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • the thing is she will! Alot of the kids just ignore her! Some adults have looked at her funny! I don't know if it's bc she's intelligent but I've told her it's ok that you're smart everyone is!

    Answer by usaf_wife_2005 at 10:23 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • There are some things she will have to do weather she likes it or not,,being a shy child..But execept for that, don't force her into situation she is not comfortable to be in. Shyness is not a bad thing. It's part of who she is..She will grow out of some of it as she grow..Just let her be herself.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:25 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • My 5 yr old starts kindergarten in the fall and he's terribly shy, what I have learned from having older children is just to let them be shy. They will adjust, but if you pressure them it's going to make it worse. He knows he has to go to school, as much as he doesn't want to, but the teachers know how shy he is and they know how to handle it. I'm not going to interfere because he feeds off of that. So if you remain strong, she will feed off of that.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:34 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Some children aren't as outgoing as others. Being shy isn't something you can break. She probably has a slow to warm up temperament. By pushing her into a situation she isn't comfortable with will make things worse. Its great that she is looking forward to school, talk about the positives and help her to make some friendships. Sounds like you are a good mom and are recognizing a challenge she is having. At 4 their social development is starting to come about. Some kids need help learning to make friends. They need to learn how to approach a group and how to ask if they can play with them. Others need to be reminded how to bring a new friend into the group. Its a learning process for preschoolers. The big thing is to know that your daughter is no different than a lot of preschoolers. Don't push, help where you can. She needs to trusht and feel secure before she can take the leap. Can you join a playgroup together?

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 10:40 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Go ahead and force the issue and try to force her to stop being shy instead of accepting your daughter as she is.

    That's what my mom did.

    I grew to hate that woman and I don't miss her now that she's gone.

    But that could have just been the dynamic of our relationship.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • I have a shy child and 2 social butterflies. My oldest was very shy and had speech issues when he was younger. It took a while, but after he started school he realized that he could achieve/attain what he wanted when he spoke up. He is still slow to make friends, but it is getting easier. And this originally shy child asked for a meeting with the marketing director of Whole Foods and asked her to help him with a food drive - and got it!
    Just be gentle and encouraging. If you know people with children her age, set up a playdate for both of you. And let her know that you love her for the big girl that she is and that it is okay for her to worry about leaving you. and you will always get her from where she is - school, the swing set, etc…

    Answer by balagan_imma at 11:22 AM on May. 28, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.