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Sex.. I'm just so tired of the same thing! HELP

My husband is lazy when it comes to sex. He doesn't go down on me.. He doesn't spice things up and he only lasts less than 5 minutes.. Not long at all.. Won't do any kind of foreplay, unless it's him watching porn while I go down on him!! Sex is awful for me, and I can't even pretend to enjoy it anymore! He gets upset when he doesn't get me off and I use my vibrator. I've tried talking to him but he's so selfish in bed!! I've tried talking to him and explaining, but he sees it as I'm telling him sex is awful (i'm really nice about it when we talk) and shuts down emotionally and gets to where he only will watch porn and won't have sex with me because he's scared I won't get off.. and I could go into more detail but this about covers it! HELP!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on May. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Try buying a toy that does something for both of you, like a vibrating ring. (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.) Maybe you could talk him into writing down a fantasy of his for you, while you do the same. Then act them out. It might make him see that the spice is still there.

    Answer by 3_is_enough at 11:26 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Is this just a sexual problem or is this a theme that runs through your relationship? Was he always this way, or is this a new issue?

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:28 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • This site may help:


    Answer by LuvBug3 at 11:31 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • I would take the focus off orgasm. Tell him you want him so bad and you have new things you want to try...its not that you don;t enjoy sex, but that you needed to try new things to find out what your body needs and now you want to try those things with him. Put on something sexy and tease him and go for it...take charge of the situation!

    Answer by ria7 at 11:32 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Sex is very important in a marriage. NO matter what other people may think. Me and my DH were that way at one time. but we did a lot of talking and experimented with different positions until we found some that we liked. Me and my DH watch porn together and we foreplay afterward not during. You can find some numbing gel for his penis but then he wouldn't get much pleasure out of it. My DH wouldn't go down on me at first either but I read online about shaving your vagina bald and how erotic men find that. I did it and he will go down on me almost every time we have sex. Our sex life has improved tremendously. Not talking about it is the worse thing you can do. Tell him you are bored and want to spice it up. Tell him the truth. Secrets are going to keep you wanting more and not getting what you want.

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 11:32 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • He's never been able to last long.. but the sex was mostly good and he tried harder. Now, foreplay is rubbing on my boobs for about 5 minutes.. (which does nothing for me. it reminds me of a toddler breastfeeding the way he does.. ) and one kiss.. In our every day lives, we don't even french kiss!!! And it's not like we have kids that are taking our time up. I'm a stepmom .. and he's only with us every weekend, so we have all week! I tried a vibrating ring, and he didn't like it. We've tried usin condems to slow him down.. It doesn't help and he's unwilling to do anything to make sex more satisfying to me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 28, 2009

  • Have you considered seeing a sex therapist?

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 11:43 AM on May. 28, 2009

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