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My MIL ...

I love my MIL. She's really a wonderful person. She cares about me a lot. She does a lot to help me out. She loves her grandson and has taken in my little brother as her own grandson sense my mom died and i will be adopting him. She has held my hair back when i was sick she has loaned us money when we needed it. She is wonderful.
But how can i tell her to mind her own d*mn business? She calls almost everyday. She wants to know everything that is going on all the time. She invites her self to things, like activities the boys do and whatever.
I dont mind her calling sometimes. Once or twice a week. whatever. i dont mind catching her up. I dont mind her being at some of the events the boys do some of the time. So how do i get her to tone it down without seeming like i dont like her or appreciate everything that she does? I've tried talking to her about it. She doesnt undertand.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on May. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • oh wow that gets sticky. Sometimes we old women are lonely and if you take away our family time then we are lost! Of course we do adjust. Gently tell her how much you love her and just say you need some family time to yourself and that you will call her later in the week to catch up so she doesn't feel like you are kicking her out of your life. Good luck on this one! Remember that older folks just want to matter. We just want to feel useful. We don't mean to overwhelm but when we do it's ok to let us know.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:43 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Try not answering your phone and call her back on your time. Then explain to her you are glad to fill her in on events and things. Just don't tell her everything so she can invite herself to, just casually not mention them. If she does not get the point you may just have to talk to her and be honest, make sure you do it when you are not upset. She sounds like someone who cares about you a lot, she is an adult so maybe she can handle the truth as long as it is coming from the right place...the heart!
    Rebecca727

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 3:44 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • It sounds like you don't appreciate everything she does. You want her when you need her and thats it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Stop giving her so much info! Just because she calls you don't have to pick up the phone, let her leave a message - pick maybe 1 or 2 times a wk to call her back (thats a bit much for me thought) fill her in BRIEFLY - maybe offer a game/practice (whatever) that she can go to and that is it. Even your kids are getting annoyed that she comes to ALMOST all of their events! To me she seems way to involved in your lives. Start with small boundaries and work from there. Keep reminding her that she needs to tone it down, hopefully she'll catch on. Do you ever have family time W/OUT her?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Anon. If i wanted her only when i need her then i'd never call her back. I'd only talk to her when i need something. I talk to her all the time. I tell her a lot. We talk about all sorts of things. I took her out to dinner for mothers day. You clearly do not know what you are talking about.
    She is a wonderful person. She is also going for her PhD in child psychology and i'm an ECE major. We understand each other most of the time, even when we do butt heads.

    Rebecca- i wish it were easy enough to just not mention things. The reason why i tell her so much is because she is always asking. Drives me nuts. But i could not answer my phone or i could call her back on my own terms. ...
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:35 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • "Do you ever have family time W/OUT her? "
    Yes. When she is out of town. She has to leave town often because of her schooling. Or when she's working. But other then that she is with them whenever she can be. Even when she is gone for a week or two because of school she wants to do an hour of web cam at least once. Which isnt a big deal, but she's even talked me into doing this when she's been gone for as little as 3 days. I've tried doing things without her when she is in town. Last summer she invited me and the boys to something and i told her no because we had plans to go to the lake and she got mad at me for not inviting her. like wtf? ...she's gotten better. honestly she has. But a lot of the time i still feel smothered.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:40 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • LOL, I was waiting for a wammy!! I guess that since she treats you as if you were her daughter, not DIL, treat her as if she was your mom, not your MIL. Explain to her that she is invading your life a little too much. Just be gentle. Or you can learn to deal with it.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 5:46 PM on May. 28, 2009