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Anyone wanna help me out?

i have been married to my husband 2 years in August, we are happy , we have a 10 1/2 month old daughter and im almost 3 months pregnant. me and my husband just dont feel close anymore.. i dont like this feeling. its really affecting me. we hardly communicate and we didnt have sex for a week and a half and we are usually everynight people or at least every other night.then i ask him why we havent then we did. so i kinda feel like he only did because i was complaining about it. i just dont know what to think and i dont understand why he is so distant now. please any words of advice on what might be going on?

Answer Question

Asked by youngandafraid at 8:36 PM on May. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (102 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Maybe, he feels stressed out. My SO are going through the same thing..and i asked him straight up whats going on and he;s stressed out because we;re having money issues.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Every relationship goes through up and down times. Neither of you are going to be "in love" all of the time. He may be stressed about money with the new baby coming and dire economic news on every tv and radio station, or he could just be going through an introspective time.

    Treat him as if you are more "in love" than ever. Make a special effort to do little things to let him know how much he is loved and apriciated. Leave notes in his coat pockets or in his car for him to find through out the day, make special food he likes, ect. Don't expect anything in return, just do it because you love him and you will find that you do. Don't put the emphasis on the bedroom, just on treating him like the most important person in your world. You may be suprised at how things turn around. It is the way you treat each other when you are finding your partner less than lovely that will make your marriage last!

    Answer by Allison_17 at 8:45 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Hmmm. This is sometimes just a natural "peaks and valleys" kind of thing in marriages. Often couples will lose that warm and mushy feeling and mistake it for lack of love. Sometimes you stop talking and that can do it. I don't know you guys, but could it be that the added responsibility of a second child could have him stressed out? Even if a child is planned, there is a lot to think about before a baby is born. Money issues to work out. Making room in your house. Less time for fun and relaxation. And at aonly three months, maybe all of this is just hitting him in the face. I think you should sit him down and tell him what you just told us. TEll him you love him and you want to know why there is a distance between you. Let him know you are scared too, and then come up with a plan to spend some alone time with one another once a week or two. Don't accuse him of anything unless he refuses to talk. Then ask for an answer

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 8:46 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • It could be many things! He might be worried about having another child. Stressed out about work, or the economy! Do you make enough time for the two of you? My fiance and I go out just the two of us as much as we can (which isnt often, he travels with his job) You should really talk to him about it!

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 8:47 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • some thoughts... idk if it applies to you or not. some men get jealous of kids becuase the attention they were getting is gone and when you try to have a conversation they close up or you have to get up to tend to baby. My husband and I tend to be every day to twice a day people and when we go even a day without we usually sit down after our baby is sleeping and have a VERY LONG heartfelt talk. Where we discuss what's been bugging us and try not to let out emotions get hurt over what we say. Just hear eachother out. Maybe that would help??? good luck i wish the best for you!

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 8:50 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • some men just settle down. It doesn't mean anything bad

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:45 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • omg you poor thing! I honestly don't know what to tell you. I am going through the same thing except my dh yells and is nasty towards me. I have tried to pay him more attention and that didn't work so idk what else to suggest. Hopefully it will work out in time. Take care of yu

    Answer by mummylovebaby at 10:21 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • As our families expand and we get a little older we figure out that sex isn't nearly as important as it was before. Just the idea of having two kids that close together would scare the crap out of me. I don't know if you planned it or not (highly doubt it because I was still sore for months after mine so I wasn't all that crazy about the whole idea of doing it again (sex either) but maybe he's stressing because it's going to be really expensive to pay for diapers, clothes, formula for two kids. With any luck yours will be the same sex so that you can save the clothes for the new baby to cut expenses.
    My guess is that it's stress and if you're not using some really good birth control your chances of this happening again while you're having sex so often is pretty high anytime but especially soon after giving birth.
    Maybe he kinda feels like it's your fault you are pregnant again? Not that it is unless you did it on purpose

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:30 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Hi I'm kinda in the same boat. We've never been an everyday or other day, once a week maybe 2. We're really busy people. But lately it seems like never, only once this month. I've talked to him and he says its not me but I'm so frustrated. He said he thinks he has ED but he's never really had a problem up until this last year. Our daughter is 15 months and he didn't have a problem after she was born. I still have baby weight to lose but I'm not that fat. When we have sex its only sex no foreplay and he acts as if he's new to the game and doesn't know what he's doing. He's says I should remind him of things to do to me when we're in the middle of it.... I'm like WTF...I'm not his first, we're 30. The same thing happened I said something so we had sex but nothing since. We have a good relationship also. It kinda makes me feel alone sometimes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • OP HERE---this baby was planned, we both were trying we wanted our children close together. so thats not the issue. thanks 4 your input tho.

    Answer by youngandafraid at 11:21 AM on May. 29, 2009

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