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internet porn....

Ok, so my DH for as long as I have known him has kinda always had a prob with porn....Ive caught him a couple times and Ive been pissed, mainly b/c he does it behind my back...well, the last couple nights, I've let him know that I want to be intimate when DD falls asleep and he has TURNED ME DOWN!! Is he just getting his jollies from the porn or what?? It's making me feel really crappy and let down.....I don't know how to handle it.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on May. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I recently went through this in my relationship. I found all sorts of porn on my husbands a few times throughout the past few years and every time I would do the same thing. I would get angry and offended ( he always says he has a low libido or some other excuse like he's not in the mood in the morning, etc -- yet he can use porn at 8 am??!! ) Anyways I finally decided that attacking him was not working and only made him defensive so I just basically cornered him and made him talk about it with me. I let him know I wasn't judging and that I know most men like to use it and offered if there was something more I could do or things he would like to try with me, etc. This worked! He opened up and explained how there is a lot of pressure with me because he was often more worried about making me feel good, etc and that with porn he felt more relaxed. I think if everything else is going okay you can work through this.
    doro88

    Answer by doro88 at 4:02 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Get rid of the porn!!! That's how you start to handle the problem.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 10:38 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Turn him down when he comes to you next time. Tell him that your not going to be a piece of ass for him whenever he wants. That you do not think its fair for him to turn you down for porn, then expect you to put out and porn just doesn't cut it for him at the time.
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 10:38 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • legalmommy101...he's looking at it on his phone. ( we have the internet on our phone)....he doens't even know that i saw it. How can I get rid of it on his phone?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Tell him you want your husband back in every way and that marriages usually end in divorce if there is no sex. Im sure he wil be mad at first but he will realize ur right. Tell him to pick a night and youll put the kid to bed early, put a note on his computer saying pick a night for some fun- and keep asking what night? Put him in agood mood make his favorite meal that night, sometimes guys just want attention, do u complement him? Butter him up, and then sexy clothes to bed the night of, but he has to be in a good mood metally, so butter him up first. Porn is always a problem- its easier for him to just watch that. He'll come around -if he still loves you- just talk to him- and butter him up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • If he doesn't know you saw it but you were pissed... maybe he thinks you're pissed about somethign else?
    Some men are just as silly as women by with-holding sex as punishment or using it as a weapon so maybe this is your punishment for getting mad at him and him not knowing why.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:45 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Can you parental block the porn on his computer at least? Call the cell company and see if they can do something- turn off the internet use on that phone- so he can only make calls. Talk to him first tell him nicely that you want your sex life back and maybe if he co- operates you might be a little naughty and do dome of those things the girls do in the porno movies to him- only what u feel comfortable doing. Maybe he wants to try some new things- curious. We get bored sometimes. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • You sit down with him and tell him that you both are banning porn from the relationship. I'm against porn but if you decide to let it be in your relationship at a later date then it's up to you but for now, I think you should sit down and talk to him and tell him that all outside things need to be cut off so you two can focus on the relationship. This means porn, chatting with other ppl, texting or whatever else is going on. I don't allow porn in my home for many reasons. Both in my personal and professional life, I've watched porn destroy marriages, families, and lives.


    Porn Culture

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 10:50 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • Don't be weak and give in like I believe so many woman do..
    Simply tell that little boy

    what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate..

    Porn would be enough for me to pack his nasty bags.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:56 PM on May. 28, 2009

  • First, what do you consider a "problem" with porn? Looking at it at all, or obsession? Second, guys are allowed to not be in the mood, just as much as women. Maybe he's stressed, or having self-esteem problems? Maybe relationship problems? Most guys who look at porn still want the real thing.
    guitarlove

    Answer by guitarlove at 11:09 PM on May. 28, 2009

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