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Would you ever stay in it for the kids?

The relationship was fine between me & my DH but all of a sudden he was coming home late, & I saw texts on his phone from another woman which said "I can't believe how romantic & good you are ;)" So I am sure that he is cheating. But I tried to ask him if something was wrong, was he not happy, he said he was happy. I don't want to confront him because we could get a divorce & with kids ages 12,10,7 & 5 I don't want to be single. I still love him & he still loves me. I just don't want this to be happening to me. How can I get my husband to come clean & stop it. We still have sex & it bothers me, the other night we got into an argument because I didnt want to have sex with him because I knew some other girl had been doing it with him. But is there a way to fix a cheater?But to make this clear, I refuse to even suggest divorce to him. I am a kid of divorce & will do anything to keep that life from that life from me & the kids.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on May. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • More often than not, a child will sense a volatile relationship, and it's just as damaging as divorce, if not more. They'll think it's okay to have relationships like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • you only have one life..i love my daughter and i would try marriage counseling,.if he wont do it then just confront him about it. wow of course hes happy hes having his cake and eating it too.i would have to confront my husband..it would eat at me until i did. do you have a daughter? if so you wouldnt want to show her that its alright to be treated this way. just confront him about it but if he could do this to you after al this time then i dont know ifthere is a cure for that. good luck.
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 12:46 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • I was divorced from my 3 girls' dad when they were little and now I'm on my 2nd marriage with a boy. I hate my marriage! but I refuse to divorce because I was always broke as a single parent and hated the whole resentment and shitty attitude torwards me thing, by my the ex family. They are still a bunch of asses after 13 yrs!!!
    My step daughter is married to a cheater and refuses to divorce because she doesn't want her kids to go through visits and the parents bickering so on and so forth.
    you have to decide if it's easier to stay married or be a single parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • I come from a home where my mom stayed in it for 20 years and guess what it end up been whorse than a divorce after 21 yrs of been together my folks split is my personal opinion that they should it done it much sooner. however every case is different try marriage consuling and see if it works. Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • You have to talk to him about it. If you dont want a divorce, then you have to work it out. Both of you have to come to terms and make an agreement so that there isnt any bitterness around the children. My parents stayed together and fought and fought, my dad wanted to keep it together for us. I prayed all they time they would get a divorce. When they did, it was better, other than the fact that my mother was a whore and never stayed with a man longer than 2years after that.

    Sometimes divorce is the best option for a couple. Try counseling. I am a HUGE fan of it. It can help so much. You can work out the problems cheating creates and the ones that brought on the cheating.

    I dont think I could have had sex with him either though honey.
    HunnysFarAway

    Answer by HunnysFarAway at 1:23 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • I say once a cheater always a cheater!!! My parents stayed together 'for the kids' and OMG was that the biggest mistake EVER!!! Why should you teach your children that even if you are not happy together with your SO that you should just stay together anyways? You are teaching them that happiness is not important and if you have kids with someone you cannot be happy with them, but stay, its teaching them that when you have kids you cannot also have a happy relationship if the one you are in has issues!!!
    Confront your hubby about what you have found out... suggest that you want to fix things by getting counseling... if he honestly LOVES YOU, he will try everything to fix what went wrong!
    good luck!
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 2:37 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • It's easy to find out if he's cheating or not, you just have to WANT to know the truth and prepare yourself for it. Let me tell you what, my ex cheated a lot and I stayed 9yrs. longer than I should have! Huge mistake on my part! I tried everything to work things out but then I realized when he told me he wanted to work things out, that I just didn't love him anymore. What a relief to finally be out of that marriage. I just wish I would have done it sooner for my KIDS SAKES! Lesson learned the hard way.

    I would confront him and if he comes clean & is willing to do whatever it takes to help save the marriage then you may have a chance. Otherwise, it's up to you. You can choose to ignore it or beocme a detective and get the goods on him.
    bookworm65

    Answer by bookworm65 at 2:48 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • Staying in it for the kids may not be the best thing. Kids usually know that things are not good between you and dad, and that's not any better for them than if you are split and they go back and forth. Not to mention the kind of example it sets: In your case, it tells them that it's ok to cheat, nothing will happen, and you should stay married no matter how bad things get. Now, while I do think that you should do everything you can to try to save your marriage, and that some people get divorced way to easily, you also don't want to teach them that it's ok to be abused, or treated badly, etc. I would just tell him that you know and try to get him to go to marriage counseling with you to try to work things out. SOME marriages can survive infidelity, but only if BOTH people want it to and are willing to work at it. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:36 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • NEVER, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT UNHAPPY!!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:22 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • You need to confront him about what you've seen. If he truly loves you he will want to fix things. If not, then you're both going to be miserable and it will effect your kids.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 9:38 AM on May. 29, 2009

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