Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Hubby's Help ...

I am trying to get my husband to help me more with our 3 wk old daughter. I have tried asking, but it doesnt work. He feels that since he is the only one working and I am home with her all day and night he shouldnt have to do anything. I dont think I am being unreasonable to want some help for maybe a few hours of the day when he gets in from work. I will be going back to work eventually and he is going to need help like I didnt. I don't want to be mean and tell him ... You didnt help me, so now suffer. I am at the point I cant really stand to look at him without getting angry.

Any ideas on how to get some help with out a divorce?

Answer Question
 
sweetpea118

Asked by sweetpea118 at 11:19 AM on May. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (25 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • that's nothing to get divorced over, just tell him he needs to chip in now so he'll know what to do later when he HAS to help you....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • first off -you ARE Working when you are home with a baby!!!!!!!! 2nd its HIS child also - he should WANT To help raise this child. and since when is it considered suffering to hold care for and love a 3 week old baby ! yes I get men always aren't IN TO babies - but too bad! me and my husband went through MANY fights when our son was first born - he had AWFUL colic and was an awful baby but even then, he wanted to help, he just didn't have the patience. I would sit him down and see what his "game plan" is planning for being a father - and if what he is doing right now IS it,. then it will NOT WORK!! and remember - You DO work when you are home with a baby.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:25 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • o that sounds just like my Hubby after my daughter ws bor and even now Natalie is 10 months old and he is just now starting to help more i had my hubby tell me that ( he works all day and doesnt wanna come home and work too) i would get sooo pissed! tell him how you feel.....make him listen .....and guys have no brains so dont yell cuz then all he will hear is BLA BLA BLA .....and say your bitching.......personally i just handed him our daughter and the wipes to change her or when i wasnt breastfeeding i would give him a bottle and say she is hungry.....and just tell him ..( anything could happen tomorrow what if I am not here to take care of her? You need to learn.... he is prolly just nervous ...is this yall first baby? he has got to get use to it but try to be patient..he will get it
    emilysmama05

    Answer by emilysmama05 at 11:27 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • I have had this problem with DH, since he got home from deployment when my dd was six months old. He was wonderful for the first two weeks, when he was home on leave. He did everything. He says that he is uncomfortable because my dd is a girl. He doesn't do baths or diaper changes. It has been a major point of conflict for the both of us, and finally I just gave up. We have talked about it in counseling, and he has gotten better about the diaper changes. For me once I just committed to the fact that I wasn't going to have help, is when it got better. Our relationship is much better, and I treat it like my job since I am the SAHM. The trick I have up my sleeve is for when he wants another baby. There is no way I am having another child until I have his complete assurance that he is going to help out with daily care. No help, no baby. Every girlfriend I have that have girls, say there DH is the same way. continued
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:28 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • also try to give him a choice. "You can do the dishes or give the baby a bath." You can pick up the baby's room, or you can change her diaper." My husband has been easily funneled into this method.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:29 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • What I had to do to get him to help was say "I'm not cooking dinner and holding the baby at the same time, it's not safe for the baby, so if you want food, you hold him." And he would. I insisted that I got an hour break every night, to use the potty by myself (gods how nice that was!) Of course I had to use that hour to cook...but not having to hold the baby or do anything related to caring for the baby was nice.. a little chill time you know? It's not that I didn't love my son more than anything, but sometimes being hands free is something you forget how much you enjoyed...GL, hun, I hope he sees the light and helps you.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 11:31 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • and what you do is work!!!!! your paycheck is just not made of money.......its seeing that percious baby of your smile ! way better than money and he needs to see that you work too!i bet he couldnt do it by himself........mine still couldnt but he is alot better ....it will get better you both just have to get use to your lil addition goodluck!
    emilysmama05

    Answer by emilysmama05 at 11:31 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • Before you and your husband got married, and certainly before deciding to have a child, you planned out how to raise this child: discipline, religion, household responsibilities, etc. Either the plan that you laid out is not working or he is not sticking to his side of the deal. Marriage is a partnership, where both people work together to solve their problems.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:12 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Thank You ladies ... Great advice.
    Cleared up alot for me and I will apply it. I just have to look at it like this "It's not easy being the best".
    Tnx again for helping me realize that I am not just being a B***h.
    Have a good night :o)
    sweetpea118

    Answer by sweetpea118 at 11:12 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • my dd dad was the same way. i nursed her so he assumed that i had to do everything. finally one day after i went back to work i came home exsauhsted. i fed my dd . played with her for a few minutes, picked out some pjs, looked at him and simply said she needs a bath and then she goes to bed at such a time. i left and went to the barn where i brushed horses and cleaned stalls intill i was relaxed. from then on he took part in caring for her.
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 7:55 PM on May. 31, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.