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momma's boy

So I recently found out that dh calls his MOTHER during our fights. Our last one got ugly and he was trying to leave me and take the baby, he called his mother and she said they could come over there. He told me yesterday that he calls his mother alot when we fight, he says it's for advice but when she's telling him he can take my baby without my consent...ugh, I find this compleatly unacceptable, this is a woman that I have to have if not daily contact, I talk to her everyother day and now I don't want to see any of his family because she's probably been telling them how "mean" I am. I understand that he's her son and she just wants to help, but come the F on he's a grown man with a family! Am I out of line in thinking that this isn't right, or should I try to be more understanding.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on May. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • It's his baby too. Since when does a father need permission to take his own child anywhere? At least she gives him a place to go. He has an amazing relationship with his mother. Don't be threatened by it. Appreciate it, accept it, and be more understanding. You may be his wife now but she will always be his mother.


    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:45 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • You can try, but it is almost impossible to change a momma's boy. My husband is one and she caused a lot of problems and was the main reason for our arguing. He would always side with her. I learned to stay away from her as much as possible when she decides to act up and be an idiot.

    Answer by jenniferlee_12 at 11:46 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • I don't think ANYONE should be brought into anybody else's business. That is just immature. If you are not fighting with her, then there is no reason she should be involved. In my experience, when you start bringing other people into it during the worst part of it, then those people will still be mad at whoever's side they weren't on, long after you guys make up. I mean each of you should definitely have a friend or someone you can ask advice from, but AFTER you guys have worked it out, not in the middle of the fight. It just makes thinkgs harder in the end, because like I said, family members tend to hold grudges long after the fight has been resolved, && will end up hating the one who isn't "their own."

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 11:48 AM on May. 29, 2009

  • It's good that he's turning to a family member instead of another woman but at the same time.... when you air your dirty laundry to family it puts them in the middle.
    Now see what he's done... he's alienated you from his family because you're wondering what all blah blah blah... really tho, you're blowing it out of proportion I'm sure. I'm sure he was going to go over there to calm down, to talk to someone who wasn't mad at him (not saying you were the problem, just half of it).
    Stop fighting with each other, calmly talk and work it out with each other instead. We have a "don't leave mad" policy (or I do, he might be mad when he leaves but I'm not because I'm afraid something will happen to one of us before I come back).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:24 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • By what you said,,I would stop talking to her or be around her..I would stop arguing with my DH to..Sense he goes and talks to her every time you argue.


    Answer by louise2 at 12:29 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • IMO that is wrong. This is a rule my DH and I don't break no matter how bad the fight. This is what friends are for. My girlfriends can hear my cry and bitch about what an asshole he is being and know that it will blow over and thats a man for ya. Family will hold a grudge and look at you differently. We do NOT air our dirty laundry to our families. It just makes for bad relationships later.

    Answer by salexander at 1:40 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • You cannot blame his mother...the blame lies with your dh...what goes on between you and your dh should not be brought to his mother's attention....and in fact, his mother is only being a mother, protecting her child regardless if he's grown or not and your dh knows she's in his corner so he runs to her with his issues with you...


    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:56 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • I talk to my mom about marriage problems & I know if I ever left that I would have a place to go. However, my parents also know that I would not leave for some petty reason & my mom has put me in my place a couple times about things that I was handling wrong.
    Why are you two spending your time fighting anyhow? Is your home constant drama because if so the baby shouldn't be there to listen to all that crap. Take the baby to it's grandma's while you two waste your time fighting things out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • i'm lucky, i guess... MIL is in Mexico, tho he does call and complain, but she sides with me alot too, and he talks about taking my babies when we fight, but he knows he would not get far, i'm a grizzly bear when it comes to my kids!

    Answer by deanamfinley at 2:05 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • totally cool for your husband to talk to his mother while you are fighting. totally uncool that she cannot stay neutral and does not encourage him to focus on working things out.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:18 PM on May. 29, 2009

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