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PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO NOT KILL MY 17 YR OLD ...I AM BEYOND FURIOUS AND FED UP AND AM AT A LOSS AS TO WHAT TO DO


Last fall she was selling cookie dough and sold $792 worth. I was on her the whole time about collecting the money and she assurred me everything was fine. Around the same time of year she had my car at school and somebody rear ended it and cracked the bumper. I waited for her to come clean and she never did. I never asked and failed to hold her accountable. Neither did my husband. She works but blows her money foolishly.
She graduates tomorrow and last night her 22 yr old sister tells me that she had to pay $170 in back money for the cookie dough. She did it because her sister wasn't going to graduate unless the money was paid up. NOBODY TOLD ME THIS!!..NOT THE SCHOOL.. NOBODY!!!
I want to rip her apart for this! and the school! because nobody told me about this debt, it is from 6 months ago! I don't even want to get her anything BIG for a grad. How do I hold her accountable? Please be nice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on May. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Ha sounds like me at that age. When I was 18, I figured out I could get into my life savings account. I had $800 in there and drained it in 3 months. I also blew through over $1000 of graduation money in 5 months and have nothing to show for it. Sounds to me like she doesn't know the value of money...which is exactly what my problem is. My mom was furious with me as well and cut me off completely. She hasn't given me a dime since. Any money I have is exclusively from me working for it...and I can honestly say it has helped ALOT! It's a lot easier to spend money that someone else worked for, than if you earned it youself. I'd just quit giving her money all together. Don't get her anymore BIG presents. And if she doesn't already have a job, make her get one! She's gonna need money somehow and when she realizes she has to work for 8 hours a day to get it, she won't be so quick to spend it.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:18 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • You need to NOT let her get away with these other things! when I was her age and I worked, my parents made me pay a portion of my check to them for rent, food etc- hey it helped! And, if they are working then why not make them help with the bills that they help to rack up? I would just quit letting her get away with things, it seems as though you do that, from what you wrote! I could be wrong! Another thing- does your whole family hide things from one and other, do you ALL have open communications? My family HID everything from my father, he didnt know MANY things that us kids got into, which made us eventually hide everything from him- EVERYTHING! Just talk to your daughter and ask her why she lied about it, you need to confront her, but not jump down her throat about it first off! Talk to her as if she were one of your close friends, calm and be understanding, maybe that will open the door to communication!
    continued..
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 4:22 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • I have to agree - she sounds like she's NEVER been held accountable and someone is always there to "fix it". at 16 I had to get a job to get my own car -my mom co-signed to start my credit but I had to buy my own school clothes if i wanted more than what she was able to give me - sounds like your daughter just needs some tough love and consequences for her actions.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:23 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Read the book called "How to Make Your Children Mind without Losing Yours" it's by Dr. Kevin Leman. I know she's not really a child any more, but it teaches parents how to teach accountability to their children...at any age. Being that she's already 17, it's gonna be rough going...she has to learn to be accountable in ALL aspects of her life, not just these few bumps in the road.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • continued...
    then maybe she will feel like she can talk to you more about these certain things!
    I dont know though, Im not yet at that age with my kids, they are both still very young! But I wish you nothing but the best of luck!
    Oh and as far as the school contacting you... maybe they sent home a note and it just never got to you! Who knows... but dont jump down your daughters throat until she gets a chance to explain herself... let her know that you are willing to hear her side of the story and go from there! If you jump down her throat right off the bat, then she might put up walls and not feel that she can communicate with her without you getting upset!
    Good luck girl! Keep us posted on the outcome!
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 4:25 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Well first of all i would be going to the school right now. And second of all drag her ass w/you. Then when she does grauate allow her to go have fun that night and when her ass come thur that door take her phone,car everything she really cares about away and she stays in the house for a few days doing house work and yard work and whatever else YOU need her to do. Thats what i would do she is still under 18.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:28 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Tell her to move out..That is a good way to make her accountable..For everything she does from now on. Well as soon as she turns 18 that is.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:29 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • OP HERE.....anon 3;24 I have that book but only read through half...looks like I need to finish it.
    My problem is her arrogance she feels she doesn't need to explain anything and blows me off and my husband is about solid as pudding.He doesn't back me up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • If she can't treat you with respect, then she should plan to be on her own on her 18th birthday; perhaps paying her own way will teach her how hard her parents have worked to support her.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:12 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • She needs to learn how to be responsible. She needs to get a job, pay her sister back for the cookie dough money, and you back for the car repairs. She will never learn responsibility unless you quit covering for her. You need to let her pick up the pieces herself, instead of depending on you to fix her own messes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on May. 29, 2009

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