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How do I talk my husband into a doula?

Let me start off by saying I had an emergency C-section with my first and I am wanting to have a VBAC with my next. I have read about the benifits of having a doula and how it can decrease your odds of having a repeat C-section. My husband feels like the doula with be taking over his spot as coach. He was a great coach for my first labor, all 15 hours before the emergeny c-section. We did classes and everything. But I feel like I need someone else to say hey Doc... let her try longer before a possible repeat C-section. Any advice and is the doula really needed? Or is all they do covered in most birthing classes?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:58 PM on May. 29, 2009 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Doulas don't take over the hubby's role- she caters to both the mother and father. I perform acupressure and reflexology massage. If the father wants to, I will gladly show him what to rub and where to apply pressure. It definitely makes them feel more included and more important. I've gone to births where the fathers were a complete mess and asking "What should I do? She's hurting! Is there something I can do?" and I simply show them a few things they can try and help them take care of the Momma. It's a tag team effort. And if the birth goes a long time and Daddy needs a rest, I take over for him for a while and get him up when it's time if that's what he wants. I'm just an extra pair of hands and an open manual for fathers and mothers who want help and extra support.

    Answer by littlemrsmarcel at 9:11 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • you can talk to a doula. A doula is there to support you and your husband, not to take over your husband's position. You both will set up the rules and what you want with your doula and she will comply. I would talk to one in your area and ask her questions, then maybe your husband will be atleast willing to interview her.

    Answer by Precious333 at 7:03 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • In my experience, the doula is good for a coach and that is it. Your husband is feeling left out in one of the most precious days of his life. He wants to be there for you and the baby. You are the one who has the last decision. You need to discuss with your doctor that you do not want to have another csection. most doctors are acceptable to vbacs. I had the best doctor. He was always wanting to know about my birthing plan and to know what I wanted to do incase of emergency situations. You need to have a birthing plan and give it to your doctor so he knows what to expect from you. It is your body and your baby and ultimately your decision. They won't do a csection unless it is absolutely life threatening (not to) for your baby or yourself.

    Doctors, midwives, and doula's all have your best interests at heart. I know most people will say doctors go overboard and it is just a job for them, but you can find a really good dr. who

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 7:03 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Read...Husband Coached Childbirth, by Dr. Bradley. I found it really helpful. Also tell your doctor now what you want for your delivery this time around. You should also look into a midwife, they are so helpful and tend to be less jump the gun for csections.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 7:03 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Doula are great, they are there for you and your hubby... Most do know tricks to help your labor, pain, and comfort..Doula's know so much more than what they teach mom and dad in birthing classes. Tell dad she will not take his place, she will be there to help both of you. Now most doula's are not nurses and as far as stopping the Dr from the c-section will likely not happen, they are there for support not to stop the Dr from doing what he thinks is best.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 7:04 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • there are labor doulas and post partum doulas btw. taking classes is also good, I recommend bradley and I definitely recommend a doula.

    Answer by Precious333 at 7:04 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • listens to your wants and needs. I would exhaust all of your options and let your hubby be well informed as well.

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 7:05 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Well I think having a meeting with a Doula to interview her would be a GREAT idea because the doula can explain to him what her place is and is NOT at the birth.

    One of the VERY first things our Doula told my husband was that she was NOT there to take his place and that she would be as involved or uninvolved as we like. She said if he was feeling tired and wanted to take a break, even if it was just to get a sip of water or run to the bathroom, that she could offer emotional and physical support while he was away and then step back as soon as he was ready to step back in.

    Doula's in no way take over the husband's place at the birth. Have him do a little more research about it and see if he's willing to AT LEAST interview a Doula or 2 before deciding for sure.

    Doula's are awesome support for the whole pregnancy. I would HIGHLY recommend one!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Whoops, wanted to add I agree with having hubby meet with a Doula or talk to friends or a couple who have used a Doula, as they tend to listen to other men more.

    Answer by littlemrsmarcel at 9:12 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • what is a " doula " ?

    Answer by babymomma4 at 9:14 PM on May. 29, 2009