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IF WE WANT BETTER FOR OUR CHILDREN THAN WE HAD....

SHOULD WE BE OBLIGATED TO BUY OUR KIDS A HOME BEFORE OURSELVES WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FAMILIES ,OR SHOULD THEY HAVE TO DO IT FOR THEMSELVES,LIKE WE HAD TOO.BTW WE COULD HAVE ONLY AFFORDED ONE HOUSE.
I'M SICK WITH SERIOUS MEDICAL PROBLEMS.SHOULD I HAVE BEEN OBLIGATED TO BUY MY ONE CHILD A HOUSE AND NOT THE OTHER TOO?BELIEVE IT OR NOT MY CHILD SAID TO ME .I SHOULD HAVE HELPED THEM GET A HOUSE JUST BECAUSE .THEY ARE MY CHILD.IS THIS RIGHT?ALL MY OLDER KIDS CAN PHYSICALLY WORK JUST FINE.

 
RUSTI44

Asked by RUSTI44 at 7:09 PM on May. 29, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (22 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • LOL, your child sounds like mine. He got pissed bc I wouldn't buy him a house. I DON"T OWN A HOUSE so why should I help him buy a house? He's a man. He can do it on his own or get his live in ex wife to help him. We can't enable these kids no matter their age. They have to do something on their own and buy adulthood they should have the skills necessary to figure it out on their own. They can surpass us if they want. I'm ok with my kids being successful but if they are not then that's their business. I did my part. My son refuses to talk to me over it. I'll live. I was a good mother to him. I will not bow to his demands of me providing for him like he's a helpless child. He's a big baby and needs to get over himself. It's all part of growing up. What would they do if we were not here? They'd figure it out.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:45 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • No. Once they are an adult, you are no longer legally obligated to take care of them. They are their own responsiblity. It is wonderful if you are able to help out and help your childs new family buy their first house. But you certainly aren't obligated to, ESPECIALLY if you are having financial strain or health issues of your own.
    ethans_momma06

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 7:11 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Sounds like you have given them too much already. Kind of mean to lay this on your parent esp when they are sick. It''s time to live in the real world and take care of themselves. If it makes you feels better I don't even help my kids with college.
    MACY7108

    Answer by MACY7108 at 7:27 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Buying a house for the children is not part of the deal that I have ever heard of. Bringing the children up so that they can take care of themselves is. Which means that they know enough to get job training or education so they can get a job and be out on their own. You are under no obligation at all to provide housing for them, even a room in your own house, after they turn 18.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:28 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • LOL,are you kidding?Like your statement says, your child has his own family, so if he wants to buy a home its on him, not you. We raise them hoperfully the right way to do the right thing in life and if he drifted from that, would that be your fault, NO. I know of no parent who says that they feel obligated to by their children a home. If he buys it , he will appreciate it more and take better care of it too. Any child that says what yours said to you, needs help, I am sorry, and a psycologist would laugh him out of the office if he told them that. Now, think about it, really think about what you asked and you will see that you are under no obligation to do anything more for him than you have already done. The only thing he needs now is a kick in the butt.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:50 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • Nope once we are adults you are only obligated to the grandchildren and to what you can actually help with. If you can afford a house for yourself get it for yourself you are old enough to spoil yourself. Think about it this way if you have a house you have it for the grandkids to enjoy and be honest you know you love them more because you can get them hyped on sugar and send them home.
    ArmyWife112908

    Answer by ArmyWife112908 at 9:51 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • Hell. No.

    It's one thing to do something out of the goodness of your heart, because your kids are deserving, and if you can afford it.

    Your kids are not ENTITLED to anything besides being clothed, fed, and sent to school until they are 18 years of age.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 11:54 PM on Jun. 4, 2009

  • I would approach it this way: "You know, when you were old enough to make your own house rules, and decided to move out from under my roof (which included the benefits of a roof over your head, clothes, and food on the table) then you told me that you were mature enough to provide for your own needs and wants. You want a house? You are capable of doing what it takes to earn that house. You are old enough to earn everything for the rest of your life. No one will ever give you anything. It must be earned. Now go plan, save, and buy what you have decided you want."

    Do this with love, speaking gently, but firmly.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 5:40 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • There is no reason to ever have to defend your position. When you have to explain to your children why you do this or do that, they have the position to question or debate those reasons. Give them no reasons. Just keep pointing everything back to them, showing them how much you love them and that they are mature enough to earn what they need and want in life. Do this with a kind smile on your face and say no more.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 5:42 PM on Jun. 5, 2009

  • what happened to earning what you have??? just a thought... I mean don't get me wrong... I don't see a problem with helping them out but for them to make you obligated or that they are entitled to it is just wrong!
    jliv131

    Answer by jliv131 at 10:10 AM on Jun. 6, 2009

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