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Two lifestyles for children...

My step children go to an apostolic christian church every sunday. As you may know, they have very strict beliefs about certain situations, behaviors, and how they dress. On the weekends, they live out lifestyle. We are nondenominational, and are very lenient with our ways. We do not force anything upon the children, but how do we handle this so that they are not living a "double life" so to speak?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on May. 29, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (8)
  • You need to decide what you believe. If your beliefs are in line with the nondenom. church, then follow their guidlines...If your beliefs are in line with the apostolic church, then go to that church and follow their guidelines
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Honestly I would have to ask why are they in that school? If the school is teaching one thing and you are living another, how is that good for you kids? I'm not judging just asking.

    Personally, I would never send my children to a private or religion based school at all. But if I did it would never be a school that had different teachings than mine.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:55 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Honestly, I don't know. I wouldn't involve my child in any of that. I personally bring my beliefs to my child by living as an example. I wouldn't ever bring my child to my beliefs. I don't see how she would understand my faith by being lectured at some church/religious school. In your case it is really confusing because you believe on thing but send them off to be taught something else...IDK.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • I take it that their mother sends them to the stricter church? Do they go to public school? Are they adjusted to the apostollc practices or do they chafe at the them? Maybe your husband needs to have a meeting with their mom to determine which practices and rules are most important to follow even when they are with you for the weekend. Would you be willing to have them follow an abbreviated version of their rules from the other church?
    callmeann

    Answer by callmeann at 9:22 PM on May. 29, 2009

  • Meh. We're Jewish and my stepkids' mom sent them to a rural Baptist private school. When differences come up we just handle them as they come up. The bottom line is that they do live a double life and they're going to have to accept it.

    Learn this line and you (and they) will be ok: "At mommy's house you follow mommy's rules and at daddy's house you follow daddy's rules."
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 1:30 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • I don't think i made myself clear. Their mother gets them sunday morning to go to church. It is their mother and her parents who insist on them going, we do not agree. The only reason we let them go is because they have friends there and like to sing, things like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • Children are remarkably resilient and able to sort things out. They will figure out what behavior is appropriate in which situation. Just like they learn that running and yelling at the playground is okay, but that running and yelling inside a library is not. What you can do is support them in their exploration, share your beliefs and thoughts, and not undermine or belittle the beliefs of others - even if it isn't something that even makes sense to us. Give them an open, loving space and trust that they will figure things out; they ARE figuring things out.
    Collinsky

    Answer by Collinsky at 9:27 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • So, it sounds like they live with you. If you have them most of the time, you will surely have more influence. Also, if their time isn't split anywhere near evenly, I wouldn't consider it a double life.
    callmeann

    Answer by callmeann at 4:32 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

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