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Young Mom, Does anyone have advice on emotions as a mother at 20?

I love my son, (13 months). I got pregnant right after getting married at 18. The marraige is wonderful and so is my son. I just never got to do anything with my life, and now with a toddler, I am just stuck. Thats how I feel sometimes. I want to have one more kid. But at the moment I feel like it will take my younger years just plain away from me. I just feel stuck right now. I have a kid glued to my hip. And my husband is in the military, he is never really home. I am alone. Is there anyone with uplifting advice for me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on May. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I didnt mean to mark this anonymous. *(OP)* Also , I never was a kid or baby person. But i have fell in love with my son. I just cant stand other people kids, but I have ALWAYS been that way.

    Answer by cloud144 at 7:52 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • Don't ever think your life is over because you had a kid young. I'm 20 as well, my daughter just turned five months old. My parents had my older brother young, and both of them ended up going to college and having well-paying careers. Just because you don't go to college at the usual age doesn't mean you'll never get to.

    And if you're not really missing much, to be honest. Do you have any friends living the single, non-parent life? I know I do, and most of it is full of DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, something I left behind in high school. It's all who's effing who, who's cheating on who, who drank this with who, blah blah blah. I dunno, but I never found that life appealing anyway.

    Let's just look at it this way. We're actually doing something for the world. We're raising our kids to the best of our abilities while a lot of other people our age are sitting around being indulgent and selfish.

    If you ever wanna talk to me I'm here :D

    Answer by caitxrawks at 8:03 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • I just sent you a message.

    Answer by Aviators_Wife at 8:08 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • im right there with ya. my husband is also military and we have a 2 year old. im 21. im alone alot raising a child. i love him more than life itself but i have missed out on so much. do i have regrets? not at all. but it does get lonely and that really sucks. lol. send me a message anytime.

    Answer by SThompson21 at 9:39 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • I agree 100% with Caitxrawks.

    I am 22, and I used to feel like I was missing out. I got pregnant the month after my 21st birthday, go figure right? lol.

    However, here lately a girlfriend I have had since 4th grade got in touch with me. Asked me to start coming to her "girls night's" she has on Thursday nights. Well, i went. And I got drunk. I did have a lot of fun, but listening to those girls talk about single life, or even life without kids, it was like nothing had changed since highschool. I went back last week for round 2, and while I still enjoyed myself, I found myself talking about my daughter a lot, and I went home early. This week I didn't even go. I really didn't want to.

    You should go out by yourself sometime. Anyone who calls you a bad mom for that is insane. You need some time for you. But really, you aren't missing much.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 10:27 AM on May. 30, 2009

  • I am 22 w/ a 17 mo. old so I know how you feel. Some days I feel like it would be nice to go out w/ the others my age (the ones w/o kids) but I think of it this way. I get to have mid life crisis w/o my child! So what I missed out on the whole 21 thing (honestly I did do a good deal of being out before I was 21) but when all those other mothers are going through their mid life crisis w/ a young child to care for too I can go out and get myself a nice sports car, go out to the bar and have a drink, go on a shopping spree and waste a bunch of money, etc.! I cant wait until then it will be a grand ol time!
    My situation isnt the same as yours but I am around your age. My BF works all week long 60 plus hours leaving me to stay w/ our DD all the time. I do get frustrated w/ being a young mom sometimes but its normal. If you ever need/want someone to talk to just mail me I am always happy to chat w/ others!

    Answer by Mel30248 at 1:07 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I sent you a message. I'm 21 and I have 2 kids so I know how ya feel.

    Answer by purpleducky at 2:46 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I don't normally feel like my life ended when my daughter was born. I am not the party type. Everywhere else DD can go with me. When she's a bit older we can do even more together.

    Answer by MoonLover06 at 3:40 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I'm a 21 year old stay at home mom of 2 kids (15 months & 2 1/2). Sure I had different plans for my future before kids, but I'd never change the way my life turned out. I have so much fun playing with my kids, and taking them to do fun stuff. I give myself "me time" atleast once a day, nap times or even waking up 30 minutes before your kids do are great times for that. I do agree with CarolynBarnett getting together with old friend who don't have kids can be fun, but it's almost like your in highschool all over again. The topics haven't changed, and there is just drama! We might be young parents now, but we are the ones who are going to have our house to ourselves when where 50, and not have teenagers running around. Things may look rough now, but the future is bright! Just try to do as much things with you baby, fun for both of you ... The older she gets the easier it will be! Need to talk, chat mail me!


    Answer by ShiningStar24 at 12:19 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • I was 24 when I had my first dd, so I am a bit older than you. I can say I was in the middle of the bar scene when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't go to a bar or even drink a sip of alcohol until I was 22 yrs old, so I was fairly new to it, and I didn't want to give up the freedom I felt. I tried, when my dd was 4mo old, to go out with some friends to the bar. I got drunk and all at once, thought of my dd at home with my parents. I sobbered up as quickly as I got drunk and left the bar. You really aren't missing much. Even now, I'm 26yrs old, and my friends from HS w/o children are still full of drama!!! I wouldn't give up being a mommy for anything!!! I know it gets hard, and lonely, and you feel like you've had to grow up to quickly.... my best friend had her first child when she was just 17. She had her first son when she was 19.... and her second son at 25. I saw how she felt. I promise it gets easier!

    Answer by kayla_trinity at 3:51 AM on May. 31, 2009

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