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how do you stop loving your husband?

my husband has cheated again. Second time. First time i forgave. Wanted to work it out. I am a very traditinal girl. Never even held hands with anyone but him. I gave him 5 years of my life. I was a virgin, but not a prude, our sex life was great. No reason for him to look outside, but he is a sex addict. Its not about sex for him, its about feeling wanted by women. I am done. I have moved past the pitying myself, wondering whats wrong with me. I did everything right, was an awesome wife, he has the problem. I am still pretty much in the anger stage. I am angry. I say and tell him that i hate him. But i love him. I need to hate him or i will fall back into his trap. He knows he can use my love and he will come back and hurt me again. How can i quit loving someone who doesnt care for me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on May. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Is he truly a sex addict..because thats a very real mental problem. You might want to consider psychiatric help for him. On the other hand if he's just an ass I would move on. Remember you don't want to hate him..you want to be completely indifferent.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 2:31 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • Let me tell you that my husband was a sexual addict. I don't think he would call it that. But when we were dating he cheated on me multiple times. Like you I gave him my all.... that means that he is the only one I have had sex with. While we were dating and I found out about hjis cheating I forgave him but broke up with him and we were just friends. Then I decided that he was worth me giving him another chance and I forgave him and we started fresh. He really turned his life around for me and we have been together for almost 8 years I thinlk, married for 5 I think.... geez I'm horrible at remembering this. Well, after I had my second child he got really depressed and decided he was done with our marriage. We talked and worked through things... he never cheated during this time though at the time I had doubts. Well we worked things out and are married and things are going really well. Now... obviously you are in a ....
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:34 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I would suggest sex addict's counseling if you want to make your marriage work. If not and you feel he will only cheat again, no matter what excuse he is giving as to why he does it, then seek a divorce and counseling for divorce so you can learn the coping skills you will need to move on and forward with your life.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 2:35 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • He is an addict. He has tried therapy, but we couldnt afford it. I need to hate him. This man is my soulmate, he is my weakness. Indifference leaves too much room for love to creep back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • circumstance and maybe right now what you are doing is best... I don't know. But I do know that people can change.... my husband is proof of that, but he may need professional help, whether or not you decide to work through things or not. I think you are wise to leave even though I really hate divorce and seperation. As far as stop loving someone... I don't see its possible. Maybe with time you will change how you think of him, but I'm sure you will always love him. Give it time. I'm so sorry what you went through!!! I have been there and I know how devestating and heartbreaking it is!!!
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:37 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I don't know if your religious or if that matters but many churches offer free counseling.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 2:39 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • give it time, but please do not start to hate him. That will hurt you the most. You need to forgive even if you decide to not be with him. Forgiveness gives you peace.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:47 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • thank you precious333. I am so happy things worked out for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I encourage you to love him again, but get him the help he needs. A sex addict does not do this because there is something wrong with you or because he doesn't love you. He does it because there is something wrong with him. He wants to mean he will never do it again, but an addiction isn't that easy to stop doing. Give yourself a few months to heal, FORGIVE, and get to the point of understanding this is not about you, then you can help your Dh. Marriage is not for the weak. It is hard, especially when you feel cheated and have been cheated on. But loving someone is only love if you can do it when they can't do the same for you. It takes more than we can do on our own. If you haven't seen the movie Fireproof, watch it. Read the book called "The Love Dare" and do it. It will change your life and give him reason to change his.
    GrowingMama

    Answer by GrowingMama at 3:09 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I understgand how hard it is when you need medical tgreatment but can't afford it but it's well worth whatever sacrifices you have to make other than feeling/filling basic needs if he's the one for you.
    I am so sorry that you're going thru this. I suggest finding some free councelling somewhere, online support groups or something. Anything to help the situation if you still love him.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 4:45 PM on May. 30, 2009

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