Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is my 2 yearold going through a phase or should i be calling a pro?

My 2 year old daughter acts out at the drop of a hat. My husband and i are constantly walking on eggshells so as to not "set her off" She cries over diapers, getting dressed, etc. Picks up whatever is not to heavy and tries to throw it. We express that it does not make us happy and we are really trying to not bride her into calming down. But when we walk away and let her work it out it can take up to 30 minutes for her to stop and it's down right scary. I have asked all my family and friends and "of course" no one's child has ever acted this way. Is this the terrible twos? this behavor just started out of the blue 8 days ago and we're at a loss as to what to do. She has always been a very happy little girl and in public you would think she had wings on. It's as if she knows she is controlling the situation by acting that way. Do we use "time out" and how do we get her to stay there?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on May. 30, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • Yes , time out . you need to show her who is in charge. There are many books and info online about how to take charge of your children. If you do not begin now, I'm afraid the following years may become a nightmare for you and her. Children want parents to set limits or they will become as miserable as you will.

    Answer by writeon at 7:56 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • if time-out is the punishment you choose, then you put her wherever you choose. && EVERY time she gets up, one of you go put her back. even if she gets up 30 times, put her back EVERY time. you have to have patience, because consistency is the key. If she thinks there is even a slight chance that you will let her slide it will never work. eventually she will get the message that this is what happens when I throw a fit && mommy && daddy are serious about it.

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 8:10 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • && yes it's terrible 2s. she is just testing her boundaries right now

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 8:11 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • She DOES know she is controlling things. And she doesn't like it. She's 2. Being in control of herself AND the two adults in her life is overwhelming and scary. That just makes it worse.

    What to do?

    Stop walking on eggshells.
    Never give in or give her what you know she will want ahead of time just to head off a tantrum.
    Pick your time-out spot.
    When she throws a tantrum, simply state "No Tantrums" in a firm but calm voice and carry her to her time out spot. Leave her until she calms down.
    If she breaks a rule, simply state "NO THROWING TOYS" in a firm but calm voice and carry her to her time out spot. If she throws a tantrum too, let her. Her time out time starts after the tantrum is over. 1/2 minute per 1/2 year is fine.
    Don't try to talk her out of tantrums. Don't promise anything, don't try to distract her. All of those just reward her with your attention. Stay in the room but turn your back to her.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 8:13 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • and i'm going to add to the previous posts every time she tries to get out of time out start the time over. my daughter at that age threw her shoes at my father b/c he told her to put them away when she took them off. i put her in time out and she went a min per year so 2 mins, 58 mins later she came out of time out and put the shoes away. her problem that night was when she came out she had the choice to go back into time out or apologize and put away the shoes, she didn't want to apologize and put them away so she went back. its a battle of wills and when it comes to some things you have to do your best to not lose your cool and to win the battle, that way she sees you are in charge not her.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:31 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I would validate her feelings. If my son gets upset I usually just be patient, let him cry and by the end of it he usually comes over and hugs me and moves on to the next thing. Maybe shes got pent up anger..and its best she gets it out.

    Maybe validate her by saying "I know you are angry right now" and maybe find out why she is angry if you dont know by asking. If she doesnt feel heard then maybe thats why she is acting.


    Answer by keyaziz at 8:37 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • omg god i know how you feel!!!!!!!!my son was a doll then he started seeing his (to me)spoiled brother and meet his (to me) spoiling gradmother.-(long story but my son was 4-6 moths old wen he met his half brother)he would act like he was boss.throwing rocks and hitting was his favorite

    he would slap me when i did something like tell him no,help him when he didnt want it,just random things would tick him off its terrible twos!!!!!!!or hes spoiled by his grandmother and hate the fact that i say no and dont let him do everythin but hey thats parent hood?!?!?!?!? hang in there its hard but itll phase if it becomes very scarey for you then hey what the hell ask the doc!!thats what hes there for i guess!

    Answer by mamabear0824 at 9:48 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I started sending my daughter to her room to calm down shortly after she turned 2. She can sit and cry and have a fit or she can play, but she can't come out until she is calm. I had to make her sit on a pile of stuffed animals and not let her get up until she was calm until she got the concept. Now all I have to do is tell her to go calm down in your room. sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes it take several trips of a long period of time. I remind her that it's okay to be angry or upset but that she has to talk to me about it, which she can't do until she calms down.
    I also use time out for misbehaviors. same basic one minute per year of age, and tell her why she was in time out and what the correct behavior would be with a yes or okay from her so we know she was listening.
    stick to the limits that you and your spouse agree on. your the boss, make sure she know that with your actions and don't back down.

    Answer by litlsuzzy at 9:53 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I think your child is going through the terrible twos. I have read that @ that age it is very normal for children to throw things and act out. I think how you deal with it depends on your child. We have used time out and we also send the kids to their room. I think if she is having a tantrum it might work best to stay calm (I know its hard) and tell her in a matter-of-fact way that I am putting you in your room and when you calm down you may come out. I have done this to my son and he has actually gone to sleep (he was overly tired). If she continues to throw things you might try the time out technique. Some of the others have outlined the technique well . I think it is natural for kids to try and have their way. They are very smart and can be manipulative. Just be firm and let her know that she can be angry but there is an acceptable and unacceptable way to show anger. Hang in there! This stage will pass. Trust me.


    Answer by plumdelightful at 11:54 PM on May. 30, 2009

  • I agree with what kaycee14 said. My DD did all the things you described (and more - aggression toward other kids), and we made many of the mistakes kaycee said to avoid. We are now using Love and Logic, and it seems to be helping. Some of it may just be your child's individual personality, besides being two. Definitely don't try to avoid upsetting the child. Also, if you're going to cave after the child protests, it's better to do it early instead of after a big tantrum. You don't want the child thinking he has to take it to that level every time to get his way.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:11 AM on May. 31, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.