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How do I comfort my friends who just experienced a major loss?

I woke up to an email , that our good friends experienced a major loss this weekend. She was 27 weeks along with their baby boy, and he was born still born.

What is the best way to comfort them, or express our condolences? We live across the country and don't speak daily.

Is a sympathy car appropriate?

 
bam920

Asked by bam920 at 7:47 AM on May. 31, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Having given birth to a stillborn, the worst things I heard were "you're still young you can have more. She's in a better place. It would've been worse if you'd ever gotten attached to her. It was God's will and he does know best (can't disagree with that one but at the time it's not what you want to hear).

    What you say is "I am so very sorry that you're going thru this, I can't imagine what you're going thru and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

    At the time of my loss I didn't see it, but if I had to let anyone babysit my baby till I could get back to her, it'd be Jesus, so I think of it like that.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:42 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • Ofcourse a card is good. Also a ohone call would be great to. Just let her know you are there for her and if theres anything you can do have them let you know. I am so sorry to hear about your friends loss.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 8:09 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • Don't tell her you know how she feels if you have never suffered a loss.Don't tell her God wanted the child back.Don't tell her it was meant to be.Just tell her how sorry you are,and that you're here for her,and she'll be in your thoughts/prayers.At this time,alot of what people say can hurt,you need to watch your words.I know,I lost my daughter in 2000.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 8:33 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • Thank you both. I am actually an old friend of the husband, so that is another reason I feel a bit awkward with a phone call I guess. I have only met her a handful of times (the first time was at their engagement party).

    And sorry for the typo. Of course I meant a sympathy card, it won't let me edit. :)
    bam920

    Answer by bam920 at 8:40 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • just letting her know that you are thinking of her now is the best thing that i think a person can do. let her know you are there to talk or listen
    Momof3Squirts

    Answer by Momof3Squirts at 11:40 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • call the husband... he's suffering a loss too. i'm sure he'll let his wife know you called and that you were thinking of them both...
    abelsmama07

    Answer by abelsmama07 at 2:19 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • FIRST SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS LOSS I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE THE PAIN OF LOSING A CHILD,BUT JUST LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE IN YOUR THOUGHTS.IF THEY NEED ANYTHING TO JUST PICK UP THE PHONE
    kitty-m

    Answer by kitty-m at 6:24 PM on Jun. 1, 2009

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