Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If your DH/SO was a COMPULSIVE liar, would you think it would be wrong to ask him if he was lying when you suspected it?

This has been an ongoing thing for way too long. He's told so many lies. I'm pretty good at seeing if he's lying , and if I have reason to believe he is I will ask him. I think it's HIS fault if I have to ask again and again because HE is the one lying. I told him just tell the truth and it will stop. Simple. He gets mad at me for asking once but says it's really when I ask him over and over again that frustrates him, but he actually doesn't like for me to even ask at all. He wants me to just "deal" with it because that's the kind of woman he wants. I refuse to just deal with it, and he knows that sooner or later, I won't give him anymore chances. He also knows that I won't get mad at him if he just tells me the truth, no matter what it is. (I may be mad but I will confront him in a way that won't make him fear telling me the truth)
Cont.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on May. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Personally, I wouldn't be with a compulsive liar--it's disrespectful.

    Maybe try therapy or counseling or something...
    carliemarie1015

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 11:06 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • first of all what kind of REAL woman will just deal with it? ha. no men need to realize if they want a real woman it isnt going to happen like that. it doenst seem like your telling the complete story. i mean what is he lying about that is upsetting you? i wouldnt give him anymore chances either. forget that :S.. I will set him down and talk to him like an adult, tell him you know he has been having some problems lately, and he is lucky to have you stick around and deal with it bc its hard to ahve trust when you lie once, i mean if its over something serious ya know. sweetie what is he lying about?
    NewLady1

    Answer by NewLady1 at 11:08 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • maybe if you kind of layed off of him for a little while you will catch him dont keep nagging and hasseling him he will either keep lieing to you or start a knew trend like going out and not coming home i went through this with my husband i layed it flat out to him and he didnt like it so i gave him a dose of his own medicine by not nagging not caring not showing jealousy even though it hurt me it worked he started to get nervous wondering what i was doing so he stopped taking his one night a week out and now he is home he tells me the truth now we gradually joke about things so try that get off his tale let him leave the clues for you not you going and finding something that is not even there maybe then you can catch him i never got my husband i looked nagged everything in the end he was innocent and i l bamed him for absolutaly nuthn so just wait all men leave trails doesnt matter how careful they are good luck
    ohmama213

    Answer by ohmama213 at 11:10 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • Compulsive lying is something he can't help. You can ask them what color their hair is and they prolly can't tell you the right color. Do some research on it. There's a glitch in their brain I think, they just can't tell the truth. I have a friend who's one and if his mouth is moving chances are he's lying and I have no idea why because it's usually about things that are totally not worth lying about.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:14 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • My ex husband was and still is an compulsive liar. I put up with it for 11 years. He would lie for no reason at all and when I asked him why he said he dont know. compulsive liars say things thinking it will actually come true or at least thats what he did. You can confront him but I cant say it will do any good. He needs counceling. I heard compulsive lying is a disease. Good Luck!!!!
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 11:16 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • mine lies alot, over the stupidest stuff. stuff that i wouldnt care about either way, nothing major that would cause a fight, i think he just does it so i'll stop asking or cuz he dont feel like talking or something. kinda weird
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • Ok, first of all It's not about me catching him, we're done way past that already. Now it's about working on telling the truth. I even expect him to tell the truth when I know already. He's had to confess many things before, so I know he's capable, but it takes a lot of work to get him to. Then the next time he will go right back to trying to lie and I will repeat it. Sometimes he will do good and tell the truth for a couple of weeks, but he usually always tries to sneak in a few lies bc he thinks I "think" he is being 100% truthful.I've been dealing with this long enough to know about when he's lying. I feel like HE owes ME this, as he was the one who begged me for this last chance and he's always tried to turn it around to where I'd compromise and back off so he could get away with it but this time I want him to make ALL effort so backing off never works because he uses it to his advantage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • It sounds like he's your personal little project. Stop trying to change him and deal with it or leave. He is who he is and you married him that way.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:34 AM on May. 31, 2009

  • Chrissy629 you have NO idea what you are even talking about because he is not my personal little project that I'm trying to control. I did leave him and he told me that he'd prove it to me if I just gave him 40 days. He had to beg me because I wasn't even considering taking him back at first because there's so much more that goes along with his lying. HE has been trying to change ME in to his mother because he watched his father do all kinds of stupid things to her and his family, then seen his mother stay with him through all the crap he put her through, so now he thinks that's a woman's place and that means he thinks a woman's place is under the man's feet so he can walk on her, under his authority so he can emotionally abuse her, and left to learn how to deal with it. I think as both partners in a marriage to be equal with love, respect, trust etc. So this is his last chance bc I'm not going to be manipulated again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • there is a reason they are called COMPULSIVE liars. they can't help themselves. It is a disorder. He won't change. You can't make him change. It's nothing personally against you....he's a liar. That is just part of who he is. You know he's a liar. Confronting him all day long like a drill sergeant isn't going to make him stop lying. It is a waste of your time and energy. If you know the truth then just accept that knowledge. Just don't depend on him to provide the truth. Read up on compulsive liars and disorders. Accept him or not, that's your business but he's not going to stop lying. I have two grandsons with Executive Function Disorder. We know what comes out of their mouth is probably a lie so we don't put much credence in what they say, we work around them or get more reliable information elsewhere. We love them but don't trust what they say to be truth.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:39 PM on May. 31, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN