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Is It Better If I Let Him Do What He Wants Now Before The Baby Comes?

okay one of his friends chicks told me that fatherhood would kick him in the ass right when he holds and see his beautiful child in his arms...
now she also said that i should let him hangout and party with his friends before the baby so that i know he'll be more reliable...
and of course he wont be able to hangout and party after the baby is born...
i know im not fully mature and prepared for my life to fully change but im looking forward to it...
he is " oh im not ready for our baby and what am i suppose to do? "

i have an idea
kinda like a preperation class of when mommy wont be there to help daddy,
like a parenting class....
1. how to put the clothes on the baby
2. prep the diaper changing table (for when she needs a new one)
3.bathtime...
4......etc.

i think he would kinda enjoy it
and my friends think that it be a good thing for us to do together
so yea please answer my Q
wo

Answer Question
 
JakesLady666

Asked by JakesLady666 at 1:35 PM on May. 31, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • He's going to do what he's going to do. Period. If he's the type of person who "hangs out & party's", then that's exactly what he'll be doing after the baby's born, too. Giving him a free pass for a few months won't change that --- if anything, it'll make it worse. There's no magic switch that gets flipped once you start crowning -- if he's a partier now, he'll be a partier then. There might be a "honeymoon" period where he's just in awe of his new baby & all that --- but that wears off & reality sets in eventually.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 1:40 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • I agree with Laura. I think you need to talk with him about it and see if he comes through. Work on a solution you both can agree on that allows him some time to escape but doesn't make you and the baby feel abandoned. And let me tell you, after that baby is born most moms experience post partum blues, meaning you will cry about everything, and for the first month or so you should not be doing anything but relaxing and feeding you baby.... so you need as much help as you can from him. He needs to be cooking, cleaning, changing diapers etc. Hopefully that will also help him bond with the new baby. I hope this helps! Talk with him!!!!
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 1:44 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Take a parenting class (with him hopefully) and learn well. He's not going to stop partying and hanging with his friends. As a matter of fact he will claim the stress of the new baby will "make him need" to get out with his friends (been there, listened to that crap as I got stuck doing it all alone). The first time the baby cries and wont stop he'll be heading for the peace and quiet of friends house. Make sure you have a female friend or family member to count on and not him. If I am wrong then that's great but odds are that I'm right. sorry. men are not always good with small babies. However, the up side is that they are better when the kids gets older!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:10 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Giving him a free pass now is just going to make things worse.

    I'm not saying he should never hang out with his friends or go to parties. You should too (just skip the alcohol and keep an eye on your drink). You do have a baby coming soon and you should spend some time having fun with friends both together and individually because once the baby comes EVERYTHING is about him and it can be hard to find time to let loose in the first year.

    BUT if he's out drinking regulary and partying regularly with friends, particularly if it doesn't include you, than this is not ideal and when you expect him to stop immediately when the baby is born he's not going to.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Why isn't he going to be able to go out and party after the baby comes? A baby is not the end of your social life. I am 20 years old and in college. I am a mom and I love it. But I did not give up my partying scene. I will go out and drink with my friends about twice a month and I think it is a healthy thing to do to socialize after you become a parent. I do think that after you have a baby the partying should be greatly reduced. But it should not come to a complete end. Having a child should not completely end your social life or his.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 3:54 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Also, make sure the both of you get out together. I like what me and my hubby do. Every once in a while on a Friday night I will go out by myself and drink with my friends and he will stay at home and play video games and be the babysitter. But I will not leave for the night until our son is alseep. Then on occasion he will go out by himself and go over to his friends house and I will stay at home or take our son to a friends house with me. And we both make sure to get a babysitter and go out together too. The trick is moderation and balance. One person should not be going out and leaving the other with the baby too much! Do not let that happen. Plan things out ahead of time and keep a balance.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 3:59 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Change takes time, and having a baby with someone doesn't speed up the process. Compromise might be a good solution. Maybe if he knows that he can still go out, and hang out with his friends once a month without you getting mad about it or giving him grief he will feel like changing. Having a baby doesn't mean that you cannot go out once in awhile, it's healthy too. I have 5 children, and I still like to go out with my friends once in awhile, and my husband is totally supportive of that. But, I also know that he needs a break now then as well, so I encourage him to take some time for himself. Good luck Mama!
    hotchicks007

    Answer by hotchicks007 at 4:07 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Mine's the same way. But he's feeling the pressure already because I told him we HAD to move out of his parent's and get a place of our own. We'll be on a budget now and I know that's hard for him. But he told me he wants to get our own place so we can raise our son without being stressed out with family issues. So...we'll see. They tend to grow up when they SEE the baby not when they see you getting huge from carrying the baby...
    xCalliex

    Answer by xCalliex at 9:51 PM on May. 31, 2009

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