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Irreconcilable Differences

I'm not married, but we've been together for 5 years and have a baby. He's been my best friend for the past 5 years but things just aren't working out. We don't get along anymore and the things I need to be changed I'm starting to realize aren't going to change. I don't want to be without him, and I also don't want to raise my baby on my own. I don't think it's fair that if we split, he will have all the free time in the world (for the most part) while I'm raising OUR kid. Any ideas/advice/input from those who have been in similar situations on how to work this out?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on May. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I am in the same situation, and I also don't feel it is fair that when we leave we are left with the baby (even though I love my DD) I stay cause I don't want to do it all on my own, which I know is not a healthy relationship. But honestly now I pretty much do it on my own, besides finances. So when you find the answer, let me know!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • staying with him for the sole purpose of the baby of "because he will have too much time on his hands" is not a good reason. You need to be with him for love. the baby with sense that and it will not be a happy environment to grow up in...I think the biggest mistake people make is "staying in it for the kids." Nobody wins.

    Answer by calliesmommie at 1:59 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • The biggest question is, are both of you willing to work on this relationship or is it just you? Does he realize that you're almost to the leaving point?

    Have you tried counseling? I know that sounds obvious and stupid, but it really can do wonders for a relationship.


    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:05 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Give him custody.

    Answer by EireLass at 2:06 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • I didn't know they had counseling for unmarried couples? How would I go about finding somewhere to go for that? And I would give him at least joint custody, but it would take a while before he would be able to find his own place to stay and I'm not letting him raise my son at his buddies house. I'd be with my parents until I could get back on my own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Joint custody and both of you remain in the house together until you can both get your own places would be the only thing that sounds fair to me.. IF he's okay with the seperation too.
    Hope you find the councelling if you're both up for it. I think they call that couples therapy with people that aren't married... is good to have for everyone I think so you can learn better ways to communicate if you want to save the relationship.
    A friend of mine lives in the same house with her daughters Dad, they're friends and it works.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:17 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • I lived with my x so we could raise our 3 kids together. We had our own rooms and our own lives. Ppl do it all the time, live as room mates. We had a rule that we'd not bring any dates home out of respect. It worked well for us for a yr or so until I could save up and find a place of my own I could afford.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:22 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • It's been said that you will only begin to resent your children if you stay in an unhappy relationship for them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • Of course there's counseling for unmarried couples. You could seek out a counselor, just look for marriage counselors, it amounts to the same thing. Or you could talk to clergyman, they provide counseling usually cheap or free of charge.


    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:52 PM on May. 31, 2009

  • I would start with couples counseling, either with a clergy person or professional therapist.
    If you do separate, have a written, legal agreement; treat this like a divorce.

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:29 PM on May. 31, 2009

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